Not Coping

All good don't worry about it @amber22

I'll get over myself at some stage.

I had a chat with my regular at KHL, which is why I was gone for a bit, and she asked me what a kind thing I could do to myself.

I said, why don't you just self-harm or suicide and that is how I could be kind. That was initially the first thing that came into my mind as a way of being kind so I am definitely screwed up. I was just like seriously brain why did it have to go there, we talked about it and she said it's a step in the right direction as I am at least recognising it.

I wish I could give them to you in person @creative_writer.

One thing how do you get the hugged person I am looking in the emoji section here on my computer, and it isn't there. Do you find it somewhere else?

Sorry to hear that I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

I am really glad that you are aware that that thought came up for you @Birdofparadise8 And I was just about to say what your counsellor said, it is really important and a step in the right direction to acknowledge the thoughts and know that they are there, and that's okay. Then you have a foundation to work with.

I'm glad that you got to chat to her tonight xx

Yeah, same I just wish I knew why my brain had to go there it sucks. I don't really want to have these thoughts, but then again, why do they keep coming back, @amber22

They can often come back because they become a thought pattern, after thinking these thoughts for a long period of time and consistently, when we are trying to change the pattern of our thoughts it can be hard because we can slip back into our old thought patterns, so being aware of this happening is such a great step into recovery @Birdofparadise8

@Birdofparadise8 I think I've been taking too many sick days due to this damned crippling illness.

I'm in a hole and can't get out

Yeah maybe it’s just disappointing I can’t think of something positive to be kind to myself and why I would think hurting myself is a way of being kind. I guess it’s because I feel I deserve it so that’s not a great think.

Sorry I left last night I was so tired and fell asleep. I hate being sick it sucks @amber22

Oh have you been able to talk to your manager about what is going on so they can support you and understand why your are taking days off work @Kyle1

@Birdofparadise8

Yes, I have. They've been really understanding and patient so far.

But this week I've been off radar and so very busy with all the other crap I have to do ---- when I can manage to even get out the door, that is.