Not Coping

Yeah, I am trying definitely don't feel strong, but thank you @creative_writer.

I keep beating myself up for the SH and why I am depressed. Then that just makes me spiral more and more to why I am depressed and that it's my fault and all that.

Lol @Captain24 - "I'll never get that 90 mins back" - was the movie that bad hahahaha!

As for your folks, do what you are able. As you said, you won't be there the next two weeks. I really feel for you. I remember all those dinners I had with my olds.... now, because I don't have them, I do miss them.

Enjoy - do you know what you will be having for dinner?

Oh @Birdofparadise8 - I'm hearing you. 'Giving in' to self harm can be seen as a 'failure' on your part. Yet at that time, it was your way of coping.

Recovery is not about taking SH away from you, but rather, finding more helpful ways to manage the emotions that are causing the SH.

You are not a failure. You do not have to feel guilty. You are you.

I know you are stronger that it seems right now.

Yes, definitely a form of coping. I don't know what would happen if I couldn't get the release.

Thank you for saying that though I still feel like I am a failure it's just something I need to work on @tyme

I self harmed for years @Birdofparadise8 - people's reactions made me feel all the worse. Their comments, looks and disgust made me feel like a horrible failure.

Yet deep down, I knew there was an underlying issue for the SH.

It took ONE person to see this. And this is when recovery began.

SH does not mean you have failed. You are a survivor, a battler and a warrior.

I really don't know what progress I have made I am struggling so much I wasn't like this 7 months ago I feel worse and worse each week @creative_writer.

How did you overcome SH @tyme?

I feel like I have failed in more ways than just the SH.

How I overcame SH? Well, my psychologist said, "If you have to, do it. Just do it safely."

@Birdofparadise8

For the first time, someone gave me permission to have this outlet. All other times, when I SH, people tell me how 'bad' i am, which makes me feel worse, so I end up doing it more.

This amazing psychologist gave me permission to do what I needed. He then expertly worked with me on the underlying issues.

Overtime, I had better ways of self expression which mean SH ceased. I just didn't do it anymore.

Hence, give yourself permission to fall - it's okay. Then give yourself permission to live. Then give yourself permission to be satisfied.

@Birdofparadise8maybe you haven’t found the support you need yet. I really do hope you are able to get some more once you move to Melbourne. I’ve seen number of psychologists and psychiatrists too. You don’t click with all of them, and that’s okay, we are human. Its like with friendships and other relationships, sometimes you click and other times you don’t. It’s really important to find someone you can connect to. I’ve been tossed around, even had a psych tell me I made no progress during our therapy sessions. I’ve had my inability to open up and even my suicidality be misinterpreted as “playing games”. It was probably a combination of things that prevented me from healing, not being ready, not being on the right meds, and not finding someone I could really talk to. I kept so much in, I thought I had to because I was afraid of what would happen if I opened up. I was afraid of being judged and not believed. And my parents were very private people, so I grew up with the mentality that I was meant to not be open with people.

Yeah, my psych said to try and do it safely as well.

Okay, well I just have to work on that and give myself permission @tyme