I don't remember that @Birdofparadise8 but my memory is legitimately awful. But I think it is a pattern hun, when things trigger your feelings of abandonment, you can spiral into hyperfocusing on the situation - does that resonate?
I mean, it's gonna take time hun - patterns don't just go away overnight with some magical single thought or behaviour. But I can try to give some suggestions.
First step is always awareness. Noticing (but here's the key part) without judgement. "Oh, I am noticing I've spoken about this multiple times today" or "I'm realising that I have asked every single person I've interacted with today about this situation". But then making sure you're not then following up with "I can't believe I've done it again" or "Why am I so crap at doing things differently".
Something that helped me to distinguish between venting and ruminating is repetition. Talking about a situation 2-3 times to different people is venting (especially if you're getting different feedback/perspectives from different people). Telling the same story over and over to everyone, or repeating the same sentences/sentiments to people, is ruminating. Maybe go back through your posts from the past few days and count up how many times you tell this story, how many times you say similar sentences, see whether anything is actually changing along the way or if you're getting stuck in cyclical thought patterns.
Once you've started to recognise the pattern, you will get better at noticing it as it's happening, as opposed to only seeing it after the fact. That's okay! I remember so many times during my healing journey I'd recognise my behaviours in the moment, and still be unable to stop myself from continuing it. Again, non-judgemental acceptance is key here - rather than "OMG I can't believe I'm doing this again, I thought I was gonna do better!" try something like "Oh, I've just realised I'm doing this again. That sucks, but I'm getting better at recognising it now. I'll try to do better next time."
Finding alternate behaviours to replace it with is also easier than just trying to stop all together. Like if you're getting stuck in rumination, but you still feel compelled to talk about a situation, maybe try approaching it from a different angle. "I really feel the urge to talk about this but I know it's got the potential to get lost in rumination. So this time, I will try to talk about it in a more objective way/this time I will try to focus on solutions/this time I will try to summarise and not explain every little detail."
Final morsel - don't take it personally.
I seriously cannot understate just how powerful this has been in improving my mental health. Nothing that anyone else does is actually about me - other people's behaviours reflect on them, not me. If they reject me, that's because of their situation, not my inherent worth. If someone doesn't respond to me, it's because of stuff going on in their life, not because I'm not worth talking to. It doesn't mean I'm not accountable for my actions and how they impact the world around me, it just means that my self-worth is not reliant on other people's opinions of me. I don't have to prove myself to anyone, and other people's behaviour towards me is about them and their context, not mine. If you can get your head around this one, things wil get much, much easier. But it can be really tricky to wrap your head around - I'd highly recommend reading The Four Agreements if you wanna delve into it further. Seriously, that book changed my life.
That's enough Jynx rambles for one evening I reckon! I'm wrapping up soon anyway, but I hope you're feeling better hun, and remember that we all care about you, we want things to get better for you, and we got your back. You have everything you need to heal within you already, it's just about the process of putting it into practice. Peace ✌️💜
