@Birdofparadise8 hun, please take some deep breaths for me. I'm about to make a suggestion - but it's just a suggestion, not an instruction or command, you can ignore it if you want, as I know it can lead to feelings of rejection for you - it's not a rejection though, I'm trying to help.
My suggestion is that if you're feeling dysregulated and upset by what's going on here, perhaps take some time away from the forums - even just half an hour or an hour can be enough time to practice some self-soothing and ground your system back into your window of tolerance.
The others here are trying to help. It's all coming from a place of compassion - we can see how much you're suffering, how impactful these recent events have been on you. It can become frustrating watching someone we care about sit in a place of high distress for days at a time, and we also have our own lived experience of being deeply impacted by abandonment (well, I can't speak for everyone on that but it's definitely true for me). Please know that the folks here are taking the time to write these messages out because they care about you. If they didn't, they wouldn't bother. And perhaps it is challenging for you to read these things, and when things challenge us, it can sometimes trigger our defensiveness - our hackles raise because it may remind us off all the awful, painful times we've been rejected in the past. But please just take a minute to consider that the reason that we're challenging you is because we want you to grow, to break free of painful cycles that we can see may be holding you back.
I've said it before and I'll say it again - you remind me of myself when I was younger. I know what this feels like, I know how quickly my defenses used to go up when I was challenged, and how dysregulated I would become. Because when my actions were challenged, it felt like it was a criticism of my entire person, instead of just an observation of my behaviours that were actually actively harmful to me. Thing is, when I'd get into that defensive, dysregulated state, I'd often take it out on the people who were trying to help me. Eventually they'd get sick of it, and they'd actually leave, which hurt me even more.
This is why I'm suggesting you take a breather, focus just on grounding and soothing, wait for the adrenaline to clear from your system, and come back with fresh eyes - perhaps ones more open to taking on some of what is being suggested rather than feeling like it's an attack on you. Because it's not - it's compassion in action. No one is responsible for your emotional state except you. When things said to you in kindness and care are taken as hurtful, perhaps it's an opportunity for you to examine what's going on internally, and practice your skills of utilising your inner strength rather than relying on external sources of regulation. Cos that's a big part of the work hun, working on building your inner resilience so that one day, you won't need to rely on therapy or forums or anything else to get you through the rough stuff.
