Not Coping

I went to an art group yesterday @tyme that was good. Was making our own journals that we could use. Got to play with some cools things!!

There are a few groups that I can go to tomorrow too. At least it keeps me occupied and the days go faster. Just glad I downloaded heaps of movies to netflix and disney plus that I can watch!

This little hiccup, though, the loneliness and feeling like people don't care about me stems way back, not just on the forums, but in my family and friends. I've always felt like an outsider wherever I go, like I don't fit in and that I'm better off not being around.

Even with the messaging and me always having to text and post first. That's been around since I was 13 when I got a phone. When it happens now, I do get upset, but rightly so. I don't like being alone. I definitely do understand people are busy, but it's not that hard to say a simple hello once in a while. Now, I'm just saying how I feel. You don't have to like or agree with how I feel, and I'm okay with that. It's just where I am at right now.

Yes, the past few weeks have been hard, but I think this med increase should help. I haven't had any SI since Thursday. However, I have been busy the past couple of days. @tyme

Are you still here @tyme

Hey @Birdofparadise8 ,

Yes I'm still here. I was just writing some emails.

Ok @tyme

What did you think of my post @tyme

You okay? @Birdofparadise8

Oh yeah. I've just been speaking to my parents.

I wanted to discuss my previous post @tyme

We don't get to talk a lot. Or well the past few weeks, but I get it you're busy with other people and stuff.

Hey @Birdofparadise8 ,

From your post, it sounds like there is work that needs to be done so that that emptiness and void can be filled by you, and for you.

After reading your post, I see that your emotional state is quite dependent on others. That is, who messages first, who says hi first, whether people respond to your posts and how long it takes.... hence, your environment is dictating your emotional state.

If you can practice strategies to self-soothe, you may find you become more stable. This is worth looking at with your psych.

Is it a bad thing to want to talk to people? To not feel so alone.

How would you like it if no one ever texted or called you for eight years and did not ask how you are?

Other than parents, because they do, but no one else does.

I'm not emotional or anything right now. I'll be honest here. You like my post, then go off for 50 minutes (until I reply and see what you're doing), and you talk to other people. How would that make you feel? I know you're busy and have things to do, but still. @tyme

Say I reply to a post you write that is important to you. I like it, and then I don't even reply. I'm assuming you would feel hurt. Am I wrong?

I'm sorry if you're angry or annoyed with me, but I feel I should be able to share how I feel.

I know we have discussed this over email, but nothing ever got resolved, and frankly, I'm still waiting for a response from over a month ago. Not from you by the way.