Not Coping

Heya @Birdofparadise8 🙂

Are you going to the Taylor Swift concerts?

Yes, next Saturday @tyme

How are you? I feel like it's been a while since we have been able to talk.

How you going today @Birdofparadise8?

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@Birdofparadise8 wrote:

I guess I could say I do relate in a way, but I also can cry a little, feel alright and then start crying again. Sometimes, it can be extreme; like last night, I was all over the place.

I think it's more than I can't express how I feel when I'm with my psych as there is nothing there when we talk about my painful experience.

Thanks have a good night @Jynx

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So is it like, you only really cry when you're alone? Do you go kinda numb when in psych sesh or do you cry in the sessions too?

When I first started out in therapy, I literally couldn't NOT cry in session! Even if I wasn't talking about anything particularly painful, I'd go through like half a tissue box every session 😅

Yeah I cry when alone @Jynx

No I've never cried. I don't think I've shown too much sadness in front of him.

Oh really. I wish I could be that open.

I find it very hard to be vulnerable @Jynx

When he tried to validate something yesterday, I completely disregarded it and tried to move on to something else. I didn't even realise I did it until he stopped me talking.

Do you know if you can have a MHCP and a CDM?

Perhaps that in itself is worth exploring @Birdofparadise8 - and makes sense too I guess, since our society seems to see displaying emotions as signs of weakness, I imagine displaying that in front of people who were bullying you would have lead to further bullying, so you learned to suppress/block your emotions from coming out in front of others.

But it sounds like it's something you would like to move towards, being able to be open with others. You will get there, I know it 😊💜

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@Birdofparadise8 wrote:

I find it very hard to be vulnerable @Jynx

When he tried to validate something yesterday, I completely disregarded it and tried to move on to something else. I didn't even realise I did it until he stopped me talking.

Do you know if you can have a MHCP and a CDM?

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Awareness is the first step hun, I'm glad your psych is able to point out those things in the moment, so you can learn to start recognising them in yourself.

Is CDM chronic disease management? I am not sure, but I would say so. Maybe ask your GP?

Yes, and then being told not to cry by family as well, or if you do cry, people are so overprotective that is annoying.

Yes, I wouldn't say it was the best time to cry in front of them. It would make things a lot worse.

I just don't want to cry in front of him. I feel it's embarrassing. @Jynx

Yeah, chronic diseases.

My mum said I couldn't, but I don't think she is right. I'll call the practise they might know. @Jynx

@Birdofparadise8 mm it can be annoying, I also have to on occasion reassure people that I am actually okay - because my crying response is so sensitive, I will cry a lot quicker and more intensely than others might at the same level of emotional dysregulation. So I've had people want to drop everything to comfort me and I'm like 'no no, I'm not actually as upset as I seem to be' 😅

Embarrassment at crying in front of your psych... because you're worried about being judged? I think if there's anyone that we actually can cry openly in front of, it'd be a person who is trained in being present and non-judgemental. What is the worst that could happen?