Not Coping

So, from what I understand @Birdofparadise8, @ENKELI was saying that your psych was validating the fact that people don't reach out to you as it's your experience, not that the behaviour is appropriate or condoned. They also have a similar situation where they are the ones to always make contact and they have learned to not get concerned about that.

I think that answers your question but I'm sure there was no intent to cause you to be upset in the post. They are just sharing their views and experiences to affirm and validate your situation.

RiverSeal

Yeah, but enkeli said something about this

I think I was meaning how my psych validated that people wouldn't message me.

Where @ENKELI said

it didn't happen straight away. I had to change my way of thinking. I also told my brother how it makes me feel and he is like a safe space to throw my thoughts at.

People are busy and they become wrapped up in their own lives so they don't think that their actions might affect others.

Don't get me wrong, I still get pissed that I have to reach out all the time but I choose not to let it upset me so much. It's a matter of changing your own thoughts, which is where CBT comes in. I also do a lot of praying so my faith is a huge help to me. The hardest part is struggling at the start and not seeing anything change. It's like getting fit - you can't expect to run 20km the first day but the more you work at it the easier it becomes.

I think I'm making it confusing.

What I'm meaning is, should my psych be validating how I feel about people not texting me first while @ENKELI said they had to choose not to let it upset them? When how can I do that if someone is validating me. @RiverSeal

Why would he do that if I need to not let it upset me I asked enkeli this.

What do you think of that question @RiverSeal?

I understand what @ENKELI said but they said in there post they didn't know how to answer my question @RiverSeal

I think it's ok to validate that we are actually feeling something, and it doesn't make it so that it's the best or right thing to be feeling. We can all have personal growth and development with the things we do and how we feel. I often think I'm doing the right thing and we I talk about it with someone who has more experience find that they can explain how it's better to approach it differently and will have better outcomes.

How does that sit with you @Birdofparadise8?

RiverSeal

Right okay @RiverSeal

It's a feeling I've had since I had a phone in grade seven, and people wouldn't text me. It's been a long time and I don't think it will change.

It can change @Birdofparadise8 and you are taking action to increase your social circle with the girl's group, dating, uni, and volunteering in the future. Not everyone who is really well connected is fulfilled by the people in their lives. It's also important to understand yourself and learn to overcome obstacles in life to grow into a deeper person. You are doing this, and you are on the road to seeing changes and getting the improvements you want in your life. It's not about how many people you have in your life but the quality of those relationships and how they respect you and make you feel.

When I started socialising after losing all my friends due to my MH it was harder than just staying home on my own. There were many people who didn't treat me with respect and made me feel worthless. I often wondered if it was worth the effort or if I would ever see changes and improvements. I have though and it was worth it, and I also see that I am a deeper person and have strengths that others don't because of my experience.

Stay strong and on the path you are on @Birdofparadise8!

Mmm okay @RiverSeal

I more mean with my aunt and uncle and other people around my MH.

Not about future people.

I would have gone, but you had to pay $50 to get in, and it's a bar craw thing. He is free on the weekend because of his work now and he only wants to go out drinking, which I don't want to. I don't like drinking, and I've told him that quite a number of times @outlander

I know my aunt and uncle don't need to be that from me, but it would still be nice just to have someone who cares about me to say hey, are you okay? How are things going at the moment?

I've been really helping my friend with his break-up, even on days when I'm sitting there crying about my own shit.

ive also noticed with your validation or invalidation one more thing. you struggle to invalidate something good someone has said but you thrive when someone really gets into your struggles with you and often will seek out someone who will basically agree with how hard things are for you rather then someone saying they know its really hard for you but you have supports now.

I'm sorry I don't really understand what you mean here.

I should be starting a volunteer thing with older people and I have a job interview tomorrow.

He only wants to go out at night. So I can't really change that.

Maybe this guy I went on a date with will do more relaxing things.

thats fine you dont have to go to that activity that he invited you to but you can still suggest other activities and that includes the one that only wants to go out at night. a movie at night isnt a bad thing either and can sometimes be cheaper too. 'i cant really change that' no you cant change that but you can suggest day time activities.

thats what i mean by compartmentalizing. you were there supporting your friend with a breakup struggle but you were crying about your own things. thats a good example of where you could have sort of put your own needs to the side for the time being and suggest a free activity to do with that friend to perk both of you guys up.

re your validation. i see it here a fair bit. a couple of members will comment here and try and empathize with you, share their experiences to try and guide you through whatever the struggle your reaching out for but when you dont get the answer you want you seek it out from other members until you reach that validation that things are as bad as what you feel they are.

its important to acknowledge the steps your taking to help yourself. it doesnt mean that you struggle less but it means that your engaging in things to try and help yourself.
good days dont mean that the bad days have gone or struggle are less it means that youve had a good day and thats just that enjoy the nicer emotions for that time being rather then questioning it.

@Birdofparadise8