@Birdofparadise8 does it feel different receiving validation from a space like the forums than it does from your KHLR(egular) or your psych? What about validation, compliments, or praise received from teachers, fellow students, or your parents? Just curious about whether there are certain environments/relationships where it is easier than others.
I know how discouraging it can be to always be the one messaging first. I'm not sure if this is relevant to your situation, but I noticed that part of the reason is that people got so used to me messaging first, they never felt they needed to. And it sorta unfolded like... if I didn't message them, they would then just assume I was okay, like 'no news is good news' kinda thing. Then I'd get upset thinking they didn't like me, and when I confronted them they'd be so baffled, and had no idea I'd gotten that upset over it. Have you spoken to your aunt and uncle about it?
The bit about being confused around being a burden or not - sometimes you really do have to take people at their word. Boundaries are healthy to have, and if work is getting really busy for them, it's much less painful to trust in that, than to let the what ifs and the maybes take over. And sometimes if we push people's boundaries, instead of it getting us what we want, it ends up pushing them further away, and they might erect even stronger boundaries. I speak from painful experience. Trust in the fact that they have told you you're not burdensome, and remember that folks have their own stuff going on. Can be a hard one to get down, but when we always take people at their word, we prevent our anxiety-brains from trying to fill in the gaps - cos anxiety brain usually fills it with pretty yucky assumptions.
Also, when you say affirmation is not really your thing, is that because it makes you uncomfortable, and feels weird/wrong when you try it? Because that's pretty much exactly as expected, and happens to everyone. All progress takes place outside the comfort zone, and sitting with these deeply uncomfortable feelings is necessary to increase our window of tolerance. Daily practice is also important with affirmations - it's not going to work if you just do it once or twice. This is just my personal opinion, but I also wouldn't throw affirmations into the category of coping tools or just like 'things to try'. Learning how to change the way we view ourselves, and building up a strong sense of self-worth, is essential for growth and healing.
This is part of why people say that healing and recovery is really hard. It's work. Constant, daily, one-foot-in-front-of-the-other work. The good thing to remember though is that pushing into that pain and discomfort might increase distress now, but in the long-term the overall suffering is far lessened, because we make progress and can wrench ourselves free from being stuck in the suffering. Kinda like a splinter - we can leave it in there and have it pain us for weeks until it comes out on its own (if it even does at all), or we can get our tweezers and endure the increased pain of digging around for it, then enjoy the relief and healing that follows.
