I'm not sure. I don't feel any better. I just feel like I've wasted his time.
He said when KHL or I offer support, you shut down and don't want it.
Like, I do want it, but I just don't know how to be vulnerable. It's so hard opening up. I didn't really feel anything, maybe empty.
No, I haven't accepted validation. We just spoke about how I don't accept it.
I'm literally about to say the same to you. You are saying you are proud of me because I really don't feel proud of myself in any way.
but thank you. I'm sorry that's what I'm thinking,
I just got back home, and my roommate is still not up.
Yeah, I'm sure she will let me know who I can see instead.
It sucks that it's maternity leave. Meaning she could be gone for three months or a year or longer.
I've only met them once, so I'll see how this meet-up goes. They all seem nice so far.
I wish my roommate hadn't been in her room the whole time. She hasn't been out all day.
I'm just sitting here working on my assignment, which I hope to get done.
Something I talked to my psych today was how my aunt and uncle never texted me to see how I am.
I wish they would. I'm always the one who has the message them. It just sucks that no one cares about me. I never get any messages from anyone, not just my aunt and uncle. I'm always the first to initiate contact.
I highly doubt I'll find someone who will message me first.
In my 20 years of being here, it's only my parents who don't count as they have to. Well, mine are overbearing, so on the other end.
But friends and other people, nope, never.
Sorry, affirmation is really not my thing. I'm so bad at it. I'm feeling a lot of negative things right now.
Hmm, I haven't. That would be scary. I'd seem needy asking them. I don't want that. I already feel guilty enough as it is when I talk to them.
I really want to have a chat, but they are so busy. My aunt even said so last year that they might not be around as much and I shouldn't rely on them. I was upset when she said that. She said it was because of work. It made me so guilty after that. Even though they've said I'm not a burden, it gets very confusing. Unless I misinterpreted what she said, then that could be it, but I'm sure she said that.
I can't help not having friends and being lonely and sad. I can't help being suicidal. It's not in my control. I just want it to stop, but it won't. Everything seems pointless.
@Jynx
