Not Coping

@Birdofparadise8 hi, I am okay. It was so warm last night I didn't sleep well. Still awake at 2am, it was revolting!

I will probably go shopping tonight, no way I'm venturing out during the day. It's already 40 degrees at 10am.

I hope your session goes well and your psych actually helps you 🤗

Hey @ENKELI

I wouldn’t go outside either.
I just finished with my psych.

Would I be able to talk about it with you?

Hey @Birdofparadise8

How did it go?? 🙂

Hi @amber22

I told him about me suicidal thoughts. We talked about a few things I had on my list, but we talked about how it’s hard for me to put my shield down and feel how I’m feel with him there. I just don’t know how to let the control go. I said to him I don’t know how to do it and he said that I have to do it on my own as I can put it on and off. So looks like I’ll just have to try and work on it somehow.
I also mentioned about what he told me a while ago with how he said that having suicidal thoughts gets in the way of things. He said thank you that I told him as it could have either been miscommunicated or I misunderstood what he said.
He also said he will write a letter to my GP to help get an increase in my mood stabiliser.
so I was really please he offered that.
we talked about how I don’t accept validation from him or KHL with me laughing it off. We talked a bit about the bullying and also how I have a sense of emptiness when I’m disconnected from my body.
I talked about how I was disappointed with my friend only coming around for like 30 min.

maybe some other things but I can’t remember.

im not feeling great now though.

That sounds like a really productive psych session! How do you feel after all of it? I see you're not feeling great but was any of it helpful for you?

I'm really proud of you for bringing up the fact that you felt uncomfortable about you voiced that you had suicidal thoughts, and I'm glad you both were able to put it down to misunderstanding and miscommunication.

It sounds like you both worked through a lot, especially in regards to accepting validation and help when you need it.

So proud of you! @Birdofparadise8

I'm not sure. I don't feel any better. I just feel like I've wasted his time.

He said when KHL or I offer support, you shut down and don't want it.

Like, I do want it, but I just don't know how to be vulnerable. It's so hard opening up. I didn't really feel anything, maybe empty.

No, I haven't accepted validation. We just spoke about how I don't accept it.

I'm literally about to say the same to you. You are saying you are proud of me because I really don't feel proud of myself in any way.

@amber22 but thank you. I'm sorry that's what I'm thinking,

I just got back home, and my roommate is still not up.

Hi @tyme

How has your day been?

I've just seen my psych.

I think that's valid because we often can't see the progress we are making within ourselves, yet I think it was really great that you discussed all of that in your session. It was definitely not a waste of anyone's time.

It can be hard to accept when people say they are proud of us if we don't feel like we deserve it, but I think you've done really well today and that session must have been a lot for you.

Make sure that you do something kind for yourself this afternoon, do you have anything planned? @Birdofparadise8

Wow your roommate sleeps in a lot!

Thank you @amber22

She just got up.

It's a bit annoying since I got up at 6:30.

She goes to bed so late, that's why.

I have an essay to do and I'm going to make some chocolate chip cookies.

I still don't understand why things have got so bad in just the past few days.

Anyone around?