@Birdofparadise8 perhaps in seeking an answer so intensely, you're adding to your distress. Considering what you've shared with us about what you've been through, it makes sense to me that your body is in a state of intense emotional overwhelm. Have you always experienced a lot of crying all the time? I know you have experienced some pretty nasty bullying, and if you were in a state of emotional shut down while enduring it, then perhaps all of those emotions are coming out now.
Processing trauma isn't linear, and sometimes stuff that we had to bury just to survive can come out months or years later, and we may not know why. But we can still sit with it, hold ourselves close, and remind ourselves that if we're crying it out, then something is leaving our body.
No accomplishments? Preposterous!! You got through school, despite all you faced. You got into uni, and moved to a different city in a different state! That's a huge accomplishment. You get yourself up and out of bed every day, take yourself for bike rides, and apply yourself to your studies as best you can. You jump into this online community nearly every night and spend time chatting with and supporting the folks here, which is an incredible accomplishment.
If we define success in the way that means we need to be happy all the time (literally impossible, humans don't work that way) and always able to tackle every day with enthusiasm and no struggles (also impossible, no one is a robot) then it might seem like we have zero accomplishments. But there's so many things that we tend not to acknowledge as successes, but we ought to! Little wins count just as much as big ones 😉
