Psychologist

Hey @Birdofparadise8,

Yep, sometimes it can feel pretty rough when your friends and family don't reach out. Would love to chat with you tonight if you're up for it 😊?

What are your plans tonight?? What is for dinner?

@tyme

I have hear people saying that a number of times @Birdofparadise8 . That is, 'why do they always have to be the one to reach out?'

To be honest, I think I'm guilty. I don't really reach out much. From my childhood, I was always one to say "If they want, they can follow, but I'm not waiting around for them". Then I'd go off. Same with now, instead of waiting for people to contact me, I sort of say, "I'll get back to them when I can".

But I can see the dilemma when you WANT people to reach out to you. Do you think you are at that stage in life when people around you are moving on with having their own family and children, hence, friends become a 'second-best' option?

I'm only thinking. No need to answer if you don't want.

Remember, you can also speak to someone on our drop-in line if you want on 1800 187 263 (10am-10pm M-F).

Speak soon, tyme

I'm definitely the second best option in all my friendships.

Speaking of that I just got a call from my cousin she is 15 and I'm 19 so we are quite close. I've been talking to her a bit about the stuff going on and just found out she wants so set boundaries where I can only talk to her on a Friday at 5:00 till 5:30 and that's it.

She said she is "subconscious" thinking about what I tell her and that it's effect her mental health. I understand that and all with my mental health but to go from talking to her a lot to 30 minutes a week is a but of a change and with everything else that just been happening I'm need support more then ever and I feel like I'm being thrown to the curb in away. I will just have to accept that I can talk to her I guess like I can with other people her age because at dancing I have two friends that have depression and we go into way more dark topics then what I have with my cousin and they seem to be okay with it. It just really sucks knowing that the one person I could reach out too is not really there anymore. She also said I can't talk about self harm suicide and intrusive thoughts like I get they are a difficult conversation to have but who am I supposed to talk to if there is no one else around me.

Sorry if that didn't make sence. I am very shocked with what's just happened.

@tyme @Former-Member

Certainly @Birdofparadise8 , I do understand what you are saying.

I find that people who do not want to hear about suicide, Mental health, self-harm etc is because of fear. They really do not know what to do. It's good to test the waters, and if talking about these things do not sit well with someone, it's good they do say something.

Hence, I think it is a brave thing you have done to reach out and be part of the guided service. Those speaking to you are trained to know how to speak in a way that you may find helpful.

Sometimes, boundary-setting is uncomfortable at first, but then it helps. For me, I set myself boundaries in regards to when I could or could not speak to people. Otherwise I'd use to suck life out of people - and I knew it!

I'm here to listen to you chat all night 🙂

Your post makes sense 😁.

It can be hard for those around us to take on extra as we all struggle with the stresses and responsibilities of life at times. Maybe your cousin needs the boundaries for herself right now. These may change down the track too, don't give up on your relationship with her. However, it can feel very unstable and bordering rejection if you're on the receiving end of a boundary like that. Do you feel supported and safe to reach out to your dancing friends? Maybe you could try to build some other support networks so that you can have opportunity to get support from a few different people?? This way, if someone else is needing some me time you can still feel supported. I know it is really hard to make connections so not sure if this is an option.

Sending hugs xx

It just feels awful though that I can speak to her but it looks like I'll just have deal with this stuff and not talk to her. I just really liked being able to have someone I can talk to and stuff. Yeah I'll probably chat with one of them if they are free but knowing my luck there busy. I'm not very good at making friends and what is the point now if I'm moving in February anyway. Yes I feel like I'm being rejected from her and I already feel like that enough as it is with me just think about how lonely I am.

I do get though how she can't help me and all but it's nice to be able to chat and stuff and see how she is and everything. Yeah it will be good to see what happens with tbe guided service.

@Former-Member @tyme

Something I've noticed for myself @Birdofparadise8 , is that when people talk about SH, suicide, Mental health, I can support them very well in a work capacity.

However, i've recently noticed that if people close to me talk about the same things, I'm out of my work mode and end up feeling fear. Fear of losing them? Fear of not being able to help them?

From the other side, it is a scary thing to watch a friend go through such thought patterns and not know what to do.

Please don't keep it in your heart that that person doesn't like you. They probably care so much about you that they are afraid to lose you.

Hugs, tyme

Hey @Birdofparadise8,

@tyme makes a good point. That sometimes it can be difficult because a person can care too much about someone who is struggling. I remember when I was going through a really hard time, my mum told me that my sister needed some distance. I was shocked, angry and then so sad and guilty. It can be really hard when the chips are down for everyone 💜

But if she is afraid of losing me why shut me out like I'm kind of spiraling myself now with what to think. @tyme

I'll just have to work something out I guess.

I really get that because I never would have told her about my depression or the other stuff if I had of know she would get so upset by it. I just hope I haven't affected her too much. @Former-Member