Struggling so hard

Hey @Ghostrider ,

I hear what you are saying. It must feel so difficult to be told to go and come back when you are 'ready' for treatment.

As much as it hurts, I've heard this from other very well-known clinics. If there are crises involved, basic needs are not met (e.g. homelessness), or there is stagnation in treatment, they like to tell people to come back later.

This is because they want people to get the most out of treatment. I remember I asked this question because I contacted a private inpatient clinic once and was told that I was too 'acute' for treatment. In my head, I'm thinking, "Isn't that the point?"

But now I see it from a different angle. For example, if we do not have a home, our energy is placed on finding accomodation rather than therapy. And when someone seems 'stuck' in treatment', they encourage a break so that they can practice the skills they have been taught.

I have been turned aside from treatment in the past - it hurts. Yet now, looking back, I understand why.

Please don't give up @Ghostrider .

Hang in there,

tyme

So sorry for your feelings of abandonment, @Ghostrider 😞

I wonder if you can take up knitting or something where you can actually take it in and show them what you've done. Or if you take up volunteering somewhere, you can show them your identity badge? Or drawing/colouring in, where you can show them your pictures?

I know you said you can hardly face taking up anything new, so I feel for you.

@NatureLover I keep thinking of things like that and then my brain automatically says I will not like that as much as training so what’s the point? This apparently is an example of me not being open to trying new things.

Thank you for the suggestions 💜

Thanks @tyme

I do see where they are coming from and they explained why. I just wasn’t expecting it to kick off whatever trauma response this has triggered and that’s what I’m really struggling to deal with. It feels like my mental state is the worse that it’s been and that the people I rely on to help with that are hearing “yes we know you’re in the worst place imaginable rn, but you’re on your own.”

I’m terrified that I’m not going to be able to manage to do the things they are asking me to do and then they’re going to kick me out completely.

Hey @Ghostrider

That sounds really tough to be experiencing, but thank you for taking the time to share about what is going on with us. I've had similar experiences in the past, feeling frustrated and abandoned because I wasn't getting support when I needed it most - it caught me completely off guard that things could unfold that way.

I'm glad you're here with us though, and I want to say I'm sitting with you while you're working through this unexpected response. 💙🐝

I hear you @Ghostrider - I've been in that place.

I felt so hurt when I was at my most vulnerable place and I was told I needed to 'leave'. I felt I wasn't being heard. I felt further disconnected and alienated from any sort of hope or help.

After the initial grief, hurt, and anger subsided, I knew I had to look for other ways to stay safe and really, learnt that I couldn't rely on anyone but myself.

The fact that you have connected with us on the forums here @Ghostrider means you are reaching out, and you should be given credit for that. I acknowledge it is difficult to reach out when situations are so challenging.

You ARE doing it. And we can celebrate that YOU are doing it. It is not because someone did it for you. This is very much part of recovery.

Continue to hang in there. I'm more than happy to speak to you because I have also felt the emotions that come with being 'let go'....

Sitting with you, tyme

@Ghostrider I'm wondering if you can choose the easiest idea you've had, like maybe colouring in, and then just do some so that you can fulfil their requirements and show them the drawings? I know it's not something you want to do, but it might make sure they will resume treatment in a month and so alleviate your fear a bit?

Hi @Former-Member

They’ve threatened treatment breaks before and I do understand where they are coming from. I just didn’t expect it to kick off this emotional response and the fact that they’re sticking to their guns when I’m totally falling apart has my brain telling me that they don’t care at all.
I’m so scared I’m going to mess up what they want me to do because I’m so sedated all the time just to be able to function. I’m missing meals because I am literally falling asleep the second I get in from work.

Did you find anything that helped with these feelings?

Thank you, I have been colouring in @NatureLover 💜 it’s the stillness that I don’t seem to be able to sit with, I try to focus and it does help a bit but my head continues to go to really dark places. I don’t know how to stop my head from writing off these things “like this is never going to be a hobby for me” - this is not something I enjoy doing… I am merely using it to try to distract myself.

Well done @Ghostrider for doing the colouring in when it's so hard! This should show your treatment team that you're trying hard.

I understand what you're saying, that the stillness allows unwanted thoughts to arise 😥 I don't know what the answer is to that. I wonder, do your team know that this is what happens when you do actvities that are more sedentary?