GreyskyContributor
Overwhelming sadness
Hello, I'm new to this. I will try to be succinct, but I would like to get my whole story out. I am 61 years old, only child, a widow for 4 years. I have suffered chronic depression and anxiety for 32 years, also PTSD and last few years Agoraphobia. I am an Introvert and Highly Sensitive Personality. Hate change. The depression started from an emotionally abusive husband, it took me 10 years to leave, but a further 6 struggling a shared care system. We have 3 sons who are now independent adults, but were also affected badly. Years later remarried but separated still as best friends, but this husband committed suicide. Have had grief councelling but still feel so much loss. Due to being Introvert, spend most of my time alone, most conversations are in my head, the last few years only going to part time job (emotionally can only work part time), and doing errands - fuel, shopping, pick up library books, on my way to work, so I keep to familiar places. Tried joining a few local groups but couldn't continue. Have only 1 married couple as friends. No support network. I was medicated the first 12 to 15 years but nothing since. I have other chronic health issues I feel antidepressants may affect badly. Have done many councelling and therapy sessions, and lots of soul searching. But still remain with this overwhelming sadness. With only a part time wage, I struggle but pay all my bills including mortgage, but no savings, am very stressed now mortgage keeps going up.
I feel I'm so weak not coping better than I am, when some people go through hell, even loosing their homes and still seem to carry on.
I hope to find some support and rapport with others in similar circumstances.
Thanks for reading all this
