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Creating a space here for us to share our Grief and Loss experiences. All kinds but mostly bereavement. - Tell us about your loss? - What 3 things you miss most? - What would you like to tell friends to say, do or be - to lighten the load? - What have you learned about loss that you didn't know before? - Do you have any quotes, links, books, organisations etc, related to loss, that you'd like to pass onto others? ___ WHAT IS GRIEF? GRIEF: The normal process of reacting to a loss. Loss is subjective but usually the loss is: Physical Loss (such as a death), Social Loss (such as divorce), or Occupational Loss (such as a job or an established role & purpose). Emotions distress to Grief & Loss can include anger, guilt, anxiety, confusion, sadness, and despair.
Thinking of you all and sending a comforting hug. So many sad stories. I am not willing to share my own grief and loss here, but I just wanted to tell you that I am thinking of you all.
In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
QueenieSenior Contributor
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
@utopia I can certainly relate to what you have said.
In 2009 I was forced to resign from my job in a laboratory, a job that I loved dearly. I still suffer from this great loss. To this day I doubt I'll ever work full time again and my confidence in the workplace has taken a severe battering.
In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Unknown userMember
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
@utopia - losing something we love inflicts grief - whether that be a person, job, lifestyle, health, home, or our dreams. Anything we attach ourselves to as making life worthwhile. Watching someone I love suffer is the hardest grief for me to endure. That's when I can lose it.
But I also experienced from this similar to you - it's the good we can take out of the adversity/hurt/loss and learning from it (becoming stronger, more compassionate etc) that will enable us to move on better than before. I found that holding onto the pain/memories/the past, I would become unstuck. It's all about embarking on that next chapter and it warms me to read that is what you have done and not allowed adversity to stop you from living. This gives hope for us all.
What type of injury did you sustain?
In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
wamboolNew Contributor
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Just under a year ago I was hit by a car while waiting to cross the road, the brain trauma I recieved has changed me, my speach, my memory and also my social life. I understand its not death but its the death of my born soul and now I have had to make changes.
I was always busy at church and was active in running youth programs I gave a lot of my time to others and that included getting the youth to perform acts of service like cleaning backyards for families moving, painting fences for the elderly, making treats for those who are unwell and now I need others compassion and help but I have been left alone, excluded from my old life and friends and put on the rubbish heap. My therapist saids that its because people dont know how to help with those who suffer brain injuries, how do they think I feel.
In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
utopiaSenior Contributor
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
@Queenie@Former-Member. I was diagnosed Acute Stress initially. Then Depression and Anxiety with Panic Attacks. then they added PTSD. The PTSD diagnosis has now been removed by me and my psychologist after successful EMDR treatment. The incident that caused all this - brought back memories of my dads anger and his PTSD. So it's been a huge learning curve. Unfortunately Management at my old job - (after diagnosis and Workcover approved claim) - just kept repunching my bruised brain. Causing me to go backwards in my treatment and healing. So no, I'll never have the same job - but I will get a job. I can only imagine what it would be like to deal with the death or sickness of a loved one. And although I imagine the journey would be harder - than the loss of my job & identity - I imagine the samd principles apply to healing. You have to get to the point where your anger is gone & to acceptance that this event occurred & then say - "So what will I do now". It doesn't mean the pain and loss has gone away. It just means that you are able to move forward.
In response to: Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Unknown userMember
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
You will get another job my friend - with your strength and determination you cannot fail. Hugs @utopia💛🌹xxxx
In response to: Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
pipSenior Contributor
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Hi @All. I would like to share my story about my personal journey with grief and loss. My dad died 40 years ago. He was a chronic alcoholic and smoker, he suffered a 'stroke'. My mum literally turned on me, I think she decided in her grief that she had to blame someone, so I was 'chosen'. We never fully reconciled, although we did communicate, but never again as mother and daughter. I, unfortunately was an 'accident', this was never in dispute, I was told from a young age I was not wanted. My mother passed 21 years ago, so basically I lost mum twice. The grief coupled with anger, coupled with the knowledge of not being wanted played heavily on me for years. I made some terrible life choices, my choices, yes, but not knowing a mothers or fathers love or having role models I could learn from, meant 'stumbling'. I have two grown children, one of which is now causing me headaches due to her dad suiciding when she was young. My son is not affected by his father's suicide because he was too young and had no connection. My daughter knew her dad slightly, so there is a connection. I do have a bf who has been extremely supportive, unfortunately my daughter nearly sabotaged that due to the need for a father figure. My son has managed to salvage my relationship, but my bf now knows my daughters anxieties and is aware of her insecurities. I don't want to treat my daughter the way I was treated, exiling her is not the answer, but she needs help. My grief continues. My daughter and son are both married with families.
In response to: Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Unknown userMember
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Hello @pip
I can empathise with you - my mother never wanted or loved me and I was abused, although I had my fathers love but due to work commitments was not there for me much. I remember the internal anger I carried when young over it and the many mistakes and bad choices I made, like you, because of lack of support and role models. But Learning from these mistakes is what's important - it's who we are now that matters. And I am starting to learn to value myself now - something that was not instilled when I was young as a result of not having my mothers love and care.
Experiencing the suicide of a loved one is the worst type of grief - it passes the pain on and can effect one for life. Does your daughter feel your boyfriend will take you away from her? That she will lose another parent? I noted that she is married with a family of her own - how does she sabotage the relationship with your partner? Sorry to read that this conflict is causing you ongoing grief. Has your daughter sought grief counselling? Sending warm hugs xxx
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