Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Unknown userMember15 Oct 2016, 7:10 pm AEDT

Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Creating a space here for us to share our Grief and Loss experiences. All kinds but mostly bereavement.
- Tell us about your loss?
- What 3 things you miss most?
- What would you like to tell friends to say, do or be - to lighten the load?
- What have you learned about loss that you didn't know before?
- Do you have any quotes, links, books, organisations etc, related to loss, that you'd like to pass onto others?
___
WHAT IS GRIEF?
GRIEF: The normal process of reacting to a loss. Loss is subjective but usually the loss is: Physical Loss (such as a death), Social Loss (such as divorce), or Occupational Loss (such as a job or an established role & purpose). Emotions distress to Grief & Loss can include anger, guilt, anxiety, confusion, sadness, and despair.

240 replies

141 - 150 of 240

1...14 15 16...24

In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

PeppiPattySenior Contributor30 Nov 2016, 1:00 am AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

@Queenie and @Former-Member

I'm sitting her in Western Australia wanting not to talk but to hug you both.

Thank you for sharing your stories. I know nothing about grief councelling: I have had many many years of therapy because of my own grieving and I truly cannot remember anything of it.

I think that the thing that I get from my grief councelling is that I push myself to do better even though a really really sruggle with my own MI health and my husband's MI health.

When you write @Queenie hat it's isolating: yes yes, I feel that too. I feel that I will never ever be able to have a good girlfriend who I will spend time with and just have a friendship with ever again.

I wonder, ..... @Queenie and @Former-Member that you could maybe spend one day or two days a week about being very focused about being gentle with yourself ??

In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Unknown userMember03 Dec 2016, 1:48 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Hi @PeppiPatty, thanks for your post, and suggestions to be gentle with ourselves as a routine thing (because we forget I guess). I do try make Sat my Self Pamper day for this reason, because i firget, self care, keeping my eyebrows blocking my vision, or toenails stop my shoes fitting lol, or worse, attract even more stigma in public. Well, you know what I mean. Just wanted to thank you for the hug and kind thoughts, you're a gentle soul, hug you back xox

In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

PeppiPattySenior Contributor03 Dec 2016, 6:17 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Wow that's so nice @Former-Member thank you : the person who taught me about being gentle is @Appleblossom. When I read your story I felt a lot of emptiness that you are not self caring.
Not that I know .....

But I think self care can be a daily thing starting with how others speak to you. You are allowed to say : I don't think that suits my routine,I can't make it. Or please don't speak to me like that. I feel unsettled.

Spending an extra 5 minutes putting on lipstick because it makes YOU feel good

Because @Former-Member it is all about you babe.
Anne x

In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

DecadianSenior Contributor03 Dec 2016, 11:42 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Hi @Appleblossom

I am so sorry about your brother - so far away and so ill and you have been given a project to write his story from both sides

That's a toughie - I have tried to write my son's story - this is not at all easy - to write someone else's story

Does he know the work you have been doing into th Royal Commission? I watched First Contact during the week - really hard stuff - very hard to watch - but these things need to be told -

So I get it about where you are with writing all this stuff.

And I am so sorry that you two guys did not get it together 30 years ago - but sheesh - you were torn apart at such a young age - a life spent without a sense of family - that is so shadow-filled - so sorrow-filled

Lots of hugs Apple

Dec

In response to: Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

AppleblossomSenior Contributor04 Dec 2016, 12:08 am AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Thank you @Former-Member for noticing all of that.

My brother called last night and we had at least an hour when he was saying some lovely things to me, which has not been his normal style.

For a long time he was full of of money money money and fun fun fun talk .. and hard to get through his wall of POSITIVE words and JUDGEMENTS because he though as he had been fostered that his family life was the correct one .. and we were from the crazy family .. ..

Yes I have started to grieve .. for him ..

When I went a day without food .. its not deliberate . its just that my head is in such a whirl .. and I dont notice or think about it .. mostly I eat by habit .. and yes I am big believer in soup ... but I have to remember to have it .. ha ha ... a lot of my routines broke down when I let go and joined my son as a nocturnal anumal for a year .. and spent the night on the forum .. but i am shifting gears .. maybe one day I will even be a morning person.

I still watch little kids on the train .. and think .. oh wow that child is 6 and the little boy is 2 .. thats how old we were when we were left .. how could I expect myself to manage the situation as an adult .. but I think that is what I thought I should do at 6 .. be grown up.

Gotta go to bed .. just saw these posts .. had to reply .. thank you @Decadian and @PeppiPatty

it makes a difference.... my son has been playing lots of gentle Chopin music all night .. I love that. He only ended up being at his dads for a week .. even though he could take the keyboard and do his music there .. he didnt feel comfortable doing it there...been back over a month now.

The self care .. and pamper thing .. I have to sort out in my head .. I get cranky about it .. you gels can help me there too.

Nite

In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Unknown userMember19 Dec 2016, 9:09 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

No worries @Appleblossom (sorry I took a wk to get back here. Any change with your brother? Are his kids overseas too?
I just popped over here to ask a Grief question, maybe you and @Decadian (who else has lost a young person?) can let me bounce off of yas a bit.

Hey guys, do you think my girl would mind me emptying her dresser into a suitcase and letting me have the dresser in my room (I don't have one)? Makes me sad, just not sure if I'm ready. How do you know when ya ready Dec? Maybe leave it for better time?? Does a better time exist? Its nearly 6yrs, seems like she might still come home. 😞

In response to: Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

AppleblossomSenior Contributor19 Dec 2016, 10:45 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

She will probably think it keeps you both close and caring. I think the time is ready if you are @Former-Member.

You can do it in a lovely way .. its what you are and how you do it that matter .. she would have been happy to share as a teenager I am sure.

My mother gave me my sister's brand new sofa bed .. she had bought it a couple of months before she died ... at first I didnt want to put my bum on it .. cos it was so precious ... sat perched .. awkwardly ... I had not had a couch by that stage ... so little sister's couch was my first one .... and then years later .. I kept sleeping on it til it became mildewy but I wanted to hang on to it. Its just stuff .. but there are symbols everywhere .. its a lovely private thing to do ..

Dec .. is sure to have good ideas.

My brother is at the stage where even typing is difficult and is crawling not always walking .. he isnt in palliative .. he is in a loft of a fancy arty tantric yoga place .. has bought tix to Sydney for the 25th .. I am not sure if he will be well enough to travel.. but he has to have a dream ..then he surprises everyone .. and bounces up.

2 days ago was my dead brother's birthday .. and christmas is mum's anniversary .. so I am walking through .. triply triggering times.. thanks for walking with me.

In response to: Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

PeppiPattySenior Contributor19 Dec 2016, 11:23 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Dearest @Former-Member

Sweetheart. Precious lady.

Love PP

In response to: Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

PeppiPattySenior Contributor19 Dec 2016, 11:26 pm AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

My darling @Appleblossom

You are right about @Decadian

But as usual, I'm tripping along with you.

Arlo is too. Is that cool...

In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

Unknown userMember20 Dec 2016, 12:51 am AEDT

Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss

@thanks @Peppi, you're a sweety 🙂
@Appleblossom, I see what you mean about "triggering times" with DATES WITH LOSS? Is Christmas Day your mums passing day? Please tell me she wasn't suicide too? So much pain, I'm sorry. You know the drill - be gentle with yourself. xox

Hope your bro is up to travel for Chrissy, I have a feeling too that he will. I have similar feeling about my older bro who has MS which is taking hold and he can't walk now. Aweful way to go. We are not close re CSA (another story) but its still sad - he has his wife.

You know, about my baby bro, with paranoid schizophrenia / delusional psychosis. He tries to 'buddy' up with mW and my loss re my girl because (it makes me so cranky), because he has 'loat' his two adult sons, but not to death, to an obcessive conclusion his wife is a prostitute and they're not he's. vlood. Psychotic delusion triggered by drugs 8yrs ago. They were so hurt by the accusations and ongoing vengence to a heir mum and his MI, that they haven't spoke to him for about 6yrs. Anyway, he tries to tell me he 'understands' grr He doesn't get that 'while there's life theirs hope and he could star mending the rift if he chose. His boys are not deceased, or fathered by 'aliens' (one of his claims) but I get that they're not in his life now. Just hate that he doesn't 'get' what I lost. ... Gosh that feels good to he that out.

141 - 150 of 240

1...14 15 16...24