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Creating a space here for us to share our Grief and Loss experiences. All kinds but mostly bereavement. - Tell us about your loss? - What 3 things you miss most? - What would you like to tell friends to say, do or be - to lighten the load? - What have you learned about loss that you didn't know before? - Do you have any quotes, links, books, organisations etc, related to loss, that you'd like to pass onto others? ___ WHAT IS GRIEF? GRIEF: The normal process of reacting to a loss. Loss is subjective but usually the loss is: Physical Loss (such as a death), Social Loss (such as divorce), or Occupational Loss (such as a job or an established role & purpose). Emotions distress to Grief & Loss can include anger, guilt, anxiety, confusion, sadness, and despair.
Hi @LSeven, what do you mean you can't live 'here' all the time? I have bought a purple tree for my girls memory and bringing in purple and blue Christmas colours instead of red & green. But slowly and usually only when I get company for Christmas. What are your plans this year?
In response to: Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
DecadianSenior Contributor
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Yes @LSeven
I would really like to know what you mean by "You can't live here all the time"?
I have lost my parents fairly recently, 2 of my first cousins, of course my grandparents and then there are friends
But the hardest of all is the death of my son 30 years ago - and this is one I can't get past - I live with it - I honour his memory and those of us who have had our children die do not want anyone else to know what it's like but sometimes they will find out as my ex and I did
And @Former-Member - I wonder what closure is. Do we ever get "closure" - maybe I will get some while I am doing CBT - it already helps that I have a "post-mortem" dx - someone has given me more insight. If this gets me some closure then that's good
I am not staying on the screen tonight - I thought I would have a look to see what's happening but the screen is dazzling me
Sleep well @Former-Member and @LSeven
Dec
💤💤💤💤💤
In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Unknown userMember
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with a limp.” ―Anne Lamott
In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Unknown userMember
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Hi Decadian, I think 'closure' is when all the answers are answered to a satisfactory standard we have preset. Where we can come to a place of 'peacw' about it. However, I think with Sudden unexpected loss, that's so out of the order of things, like with us, I think there's no full closure, for it isn't how it should be.
I've just been lost a few days with my girls 19th B'day yesterday. Does it still throw you? I 'lol never forget the day they placed her in my arms, a tiny 1.8kg or 4lb with the cutest button nose. Anyway, Shea with the angels now. No more pain or tears - peace. We'll meet again, and so will you, without all the ear hly decay, just love.
In response to: Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
DecadianSenior Contributor
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Hi @Former-Member
Aw - the birthdays - everyone has one every year - unless they were born on Feb 29 - and so Friday will be my son's birthday - or would have been - and he would have been turning 47.
That's amazing - he was 16
Dec
In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Unknown userMember
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Unknown userMember
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
“Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them." ~ Leo Tolstoy
*** "All things work together for good, or those who love God"
~
"Grief is a measure of our love. Love is a life force described as THE most powerful there is. When love is birthed between two souls it is energised to last forever - giving to the other. When part is taken from us, the love searches and collapses and searches and collapses - love never gives up - we cannot switch it off - we are destined to search forever, until bonds rejoin" ~ KA Bithiah 2016
~
There's a poem: "Our family chain is broken And nothing seems the same But as God call us one by one The chain will link again"
In response to: Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Beautiful postings @Former-Member
I am thinking about my brother in Germany atm .. about him when he was a baby and we went into care .. about his amazing resilient spirit and capacity to look under every stone to reach his goals and fight for his life.
He was a silly fool and did not realise that big sis did Love Him when we reconnected in our 20s .. but now he does .. I am grieving for the hopes I had for our 2 families to continue vacations together at The Prom .. and grow a supportive extended village family .. but this is the way it has turned out ... so I need to learn to accept .. he has started to ask me to tell his story too. I am the only one who knows both sides .. his foster life etc etc .. I also feel confused about what I should be feeling ... I have given son permission to detach a bit AND GET ON WITH HIS LIFE .. he was overshadowed by death, disability and aged care issues when too young.
Tonight he sees Shaun Micallef at the MTC with his gf .. I would not want him to miss it for the world.
In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Unknown userMember
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Hi @Appleblossom, good to see you here. and thanks for your comment "beautiful posts" encouageing. I'll answer this post shortly but I'll just carry over the two posts I put on the other threads to you before I do:
9:55 PM Far And Away @ AppleBlossom what's this about you not eating all day I think you need to get your act together with your diet you need a good dose of my Magic soup. Nightmares & poor appetite - not travelling too good atm. Self Care my friend. Start a course of multi vitamins. Maybe have some of those meal replacement shakes on hand so you're having something. Here's another Hug xox We'll get there, you me @Former-Member. xox
10:12pm Beer Garden @Appleblossom, just trying to catch up on the thread I noticed that you said your brother has metastatic colon cancer yet survived 5 years already which is great but I understand your fear that you will lose him soon too, and know this will probably cause you to relive losing your other siblings. I just want you to know that that I feel for you and please do get some help if you need it to get through. We love you here. Also, I was wondering if your son is still spending most of his time at his fathers? how are you handling that or is he back home?
In response to: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
Unknown userMember
Re: Let's talk about Grief & Loss
@Appleblossom, so sorry about yout 50yo brother, the one who was a baby when you all went into care, who is currently so far away in Germany being so gravely I'll with metastatic colon cancer (stage 4). I hear you already starting your grief for him, remembering things like his "amazing resilient spirit" and capacity to look under every stone to reach his goals, to fight for his life. You regret the years you weren't allowed to reunite (not realising big sis actually did Love Him). Yes you do sadly seem to be grieving lost dreams of future family time together, "growing a supportive extended village family together" I hear you. Its so unfair. And so hard for you to have to face the prospect of being the last one left standing. Tell me how you might tell his story for him? (wish we could say his name), Are you writing a book? Or possibly going back to Royal Commission hearings? ( hopefully not the latter for your sake I completely understand that you would feel confused about what you're feeling so much going on for you please please be kind to yourself Apple, I know you can do this, at least this time you have forewarning and you're communicating well, do stay strong, let us carry you a little.
With your son: "given permission to detach a bit" wow, that's brave of you, but wise, and loving. Exposure to so much pain as a youngster can leave him needing some 'fun' catch up to do. Tonight should be good for him - Shaun Micallef (comedian), he's a scream. So dry lol
Hope you sleep well tonight (magnesium helps me). I was thinking, do you journal this stuff out? I find freehand (pen & paper) more therapeutic. I'm really worried about you, you sound so sad lately 😞 oh dear, I feel another hug coming on HUGZZZZ! xox
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