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Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor02 Aug 2022, 3:29 pm AEST

Struggling: TW suicide

I have been struggling a lot lately with suicidal thoughts. It’s become a daily occurrence and it’s been really overwhelming to cope. I am safe right but having to fight this is very exhausting. I feel so trapped, I am tired of living in pain, fear and shame. I feel like a burden to people and unimportant.

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In response to: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor06 Nov 2022, 7:31 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme it’s hard. The only way to really get through body flashbacks is utilising grounding and distraction techniques since it’s not possible to get rid of them. It’s hard to remind myself I am safe because I just can’t bring myself to believe it. I’m also worried about connecting to a service for SA suggested by MH clinician because I don’t want to have to tell the details of my story, especially considering my body keeps replaying the trauma. I really hope they don’t ask me a lot of detail surrounding the trauma, I can’t do that unless I really feel comfortable with someone.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator06 Nov 2022, 7:40 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

I don't know, so I'm just asking this. Wouldn't SA services have the trauma-informed practices in place so that they do not 're-traumatise' you? @creative_writer .

Have you contacted these services? Or is the thought of them re-traumatising you stopping you from contacting them? I'm only curious because I somehow believe they would have the skills to know how to approach such situations.

I went to a conference which discussed a State Trauma Service, and one of the highlighted factors was NOT re-traumatising people.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor06 Nov 2022, 7:54 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme maybe I am too worried. I’ll let them know that I’ve been struggling a lot and can’t disclose much details. I’m an emotional mess from these gruesome body flashbacks, it’s uncomfortable having my body feel the way it did during the assault. Can always ask them information about the services they provide and all.

I definitely need to raise the flashback issue with my psychologist on Wednesday because flashbacks didn’t used to get this bad. It’s like something inside me broke and things have been harder.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator06 Nov 2022, 7:58 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Sitting with you @creative_writer . I hear you. It makes a lot of sense.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor06 Nov 2022, 8:23 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme it’s been insane. I don’t even know what’s going on, it’s so hard to understand yourself at times. Mental health can easily snowball. I don’t even know how I’ve made it alive this far and was so close to ending it all not that long ago.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator06 Nov 2022, 8:30 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Yep! @creative_writer . I hear you! I If you asked me a few years ago, I definitely wouldn't've thought I'd make it to today. It was absolutely touch and go. In life support one moment, then thriving the next. I really don't know either....

If I had clear answers, I'd be able to share my 'success' with others. But I can't even pinpoint anything. I just know I've moved from being so vulnerable to becoming what I am today.

Hugs to you @creative_writer

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor06 Nov 2022, 8:55 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme 🤗 I feel like MIs is a journey in a way. I’ve had moments where things felt impossible but bounced back. It’s disheartening to find oneself back in a really dark place. I know relapses happen, stressful events happen and there are many other factors. Changes in supports, vicarious trauma, and perhaps even suppressed emotions all had some role.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator06 Nov 2022, 9:02 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Most definitely a journey @creative_writer - a journey of unknowns; a journey of twists and turns; a journey of discovery.

The question is, who will accept the journeying?

You are so much stronger than you think. Who knows? you experiences, may make you a better social worker (or something in that area).

I certainly know that having my own MH has made me understand others better. Otherwise, I'd be ignorant.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor06 Nov 2022, 9:22 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme lived experience does give you insight into what it's like to have an MI. It can certainly be challenging at times too but you have to learn to manage vicarious trauma, particularly if you have your own trauma history. Volunteering in the mental health sector left me feeling vulnerable. There is always a time and place for everything, so I can come back to helping others once I feel stronger again.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator06 Nov 2022, 9:27 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

I was just about to say that @creative_writer - that there is a specific time when you can go into such work, otherwise it can set you back.

I wanted to volunteer at PARCs before, but the co-ordinator said they don't normally take people until they have been at least 3 years in recovery.

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