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creative_writerSenior Contributor
I have been struggling a lot lately with suicidal thoughts. It’s become a daily occurrence and it’s been really overwhelming to cope. I am safe right but having to fight this is very exhausting. I feel so trapped, I am tired of living in pain, fear and shame. I feel like a burden to people and unimportant.
In response to: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
In response to: Struggling: TW suicide
Unknown userMember
Sorry that you're having a down day @creative_writer.
I agree with @Former-Member, there is nothing wrong with wanting to look back at things, even when they're dark. I think that is natural and normal. However, when it brings about these thoughts for you, it might be a good idea to recognise when you are starting to feel unsafe and out it away. Maybe if you start feeling like that when revisiting these writings, make a date, write is down and have a look again at another time?
I am here for you tonight xx
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
@Former-MemberI guess SI doesn’t really leave, it’s just become a part of me now. I don’t know what to say because I don’t really want to trigger anyone. But that poem is an apology. I know suicide is not suppose to be an option, so why do I still keep it? 💞
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Unknown userMember
You might be keeping it because it is a part of you, a form of control in a crazy time and maybe part of it gives you comfort too?
What does the apology mean to you? Only share if you are comfortable
xx
@creative_writer
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
tymeModerator
Hey @creative_writer ,
Just to add my 2 cents worth... I have SI all the time. I used to be upset with these thoughts. I thought something was wrong with me because these thoughts would not go...
Now, I just live with them. I've learnt to accept that they are part of me now, so they don't bother me at all.
In the past, I put so much energy into getting 'rid' of these thoughts that I ended up hurting all the more.
Please know that you are not the sum of your thoughts. You are you. Thoughts will always come and go.
tyme
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Unknown userMember
@creative_writer maybe a part of holding on is the guilt you feel around the people in the poem as well? Are you in contact with the people the poem was directed at?
I hope you can get some answers to your concerns about ongoing care. Have you shared these concerns with your MH team?
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Unknown userMember
Well, it sounds like you are moving in the right direction with the people the poem was directed at. Even if things don’t turn out with them as you planned, you are allowing space for self growth, forgiveness, and peace. I think this is a great starting point and very brave of you. A lot of people would not have the courage to take something like that on, because the feelings and fears are too big.
I understand how frustrating the MH system can be, and the waitlist and availability for appointments is dire. Trauma is a tricky one, I have PTSD myself. Sometimes conventional methods and strategies are not always effective. It is good that the clinician is looking into specialised supports for your trauma.
I am very intrigued about your name, do you like writing?
@creative_writer
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
@Former-Membernot many people know about the poem, only very few people do. I'm not ready to delete it even though I know my mum really wants me to. I've contemplated whether to tell the clinician the nature of the trauma but I don't know. I was once suggested service in the past by an old psychiatrist (who only really knew the nature of the trauma but not the actual details). The only thing is I don't want to feel the pressure to go into details (my psychologist knows it), I just want to know how to move past the shame.
And yes, I love writing fiction and poems.
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
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