Struggling: TW suicide

Baby steps @creative_writer - you have come a long way. Today has been a big one for you.

For today, I think taking it easy is all you need 🙂 You can Share a cuppa?

@tyme yes it’s been big one today. Processing and healing will take time. Healing from trauma is inherently. I feel like I’ve been learning about myself lately. I learnt that the biggest barriers for me talking about it was fear of judgement and the fear of being misunderstood. I was so scared she would think I was crazy but she didn’t.

I was like that in the past @creative_writer - only because I grew up where MH was a taboo. It was like it didn't exist.

I didn't learn to speak about my MH until I ended up in an inpatient unit.

Then, it was the forums here that gave me the confidence and the words to express myself.

It's a process. May be a long one, but definitely do-able.

@tyme I haven’t really told anyone on my support apart from my psychologist and peer support worker. I told my psychologist ages ago, I’ve known her for a long time.

I think society also plays a role. I belong to a Muslim minority group too, so talking about MH and SA is stigmatised. Sometimes people try to make it about religion but it’s purely cultural.

Maybe it's the spiralling of the evening. Maybe I need to sleep. I'm trying to understand why I feel so ashamed and dirty if it wasn't my fault. Is it societal pressure? Is it my self-perception? Why am I so scared that people would view me as damaged goods? I have so many questions going on in my mind.

Hey @creative_writer,

Firstly BIG hugs from me to you. Spiralling is a horrible feeling, and it is so hard to exit that mind frame when it’s in motion.

I know that it makes a little difference when you are in a spiral, but you are you and you don’t need to feel shame for that. I am only new to the forums, so I know I haven’t known you very long, or much of your story. I do, however though, believe that what I have seen you contribute to these forums over the last couple of days, shows me that you are a kind, compassionate and interesting person. Sometimes society, places, unnecessary stigma on people, places, incidents and behaviours. And sadly, sometimes we do it to ourselves as well.

I am here with you right now, and I’m happy to chat or just simply sit with you. XX

@Former-Member it’s been lovely talking to you this evening, I hope you find the forums welcoming ❤️. I think external stigma gets internalised. I’m going to sleep. Feel like I’m drifting off now. I wish you a good night.

I'm very confused about my well-being right now. I'm safe but I actively looked up something I wrote when I was really distressed and it didn't make me feel any better, it wasn't going to make me feel any better anyways. Like I've been advised to delete it long ago but couldn't, I don't have the courage. Like why would I try to actively look up something I wrote during my intense suicidal period? What's wrong with me?

Hey @creative_writer, it's super common to look up things from dark time. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you ❤️

But it sounds like it may have been distressing for you. Is there a way you might reframe it for yourself?

I know for me, when I get the urge to look back on things from my past which might be intense, I check in with myself and remember that it can make me feel crappy. But if I'm feeling up to it, I still do it sometimes. Not sure if that's useful?

@Former-Member today has been a rough one. I spoke to SANE in the morning then MH clinician in the afternoon. So just have to try to stay safe this weekend. I think I was revisiting it because I wrote it when I was seriously considering suicide, the urges had popped up again today. It almost feels like a safety net. Like I’m keeping it just in case.