Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme I've been with them for a while and will be with them for another three weeks. Psychologist, psychiatrist and a more supportive GP (in the process of this) are obviously more long-term. I wish I didn't feel ashamed of what was out of my control though.

@tyme it’s hard to explain it. Kind of feels like I’ve been robbed. I can’t ever be the same anymore. There is so much pain, I want it to stop hurting.

I feel like going under a rock and hiding today. My machine is out of order. Maybe I should actually try to eat, maybe I’ll feel better once my blood glucose isn’t so low.

@Bow ❤️ feel a bit better after eating. Still feeling pretty shitty though.

@Bow Eating small regular meals helps a bit. It also maintains a routine.

I wish I wasn’t in as much physical pain too, my leg started hurting again, I fell on the stairs between 1-2 months ago, I recovered but the pain came back. I think I need to be mindful of how I sit. And I’m a chronic migraine sufferer on top of that, medication and supplements dulls the pain a bit so it’s more manageable but doesn’t get rid of it. Then I have depression and anxiety screaming in my mind. Sometimes I feel like I’m letting people down. Out of all the possible type of traumas I got stuck with a taboo one. Conservative mini creative_writer in my brain is like since you’re not suppose to talk about it, that means you should feel shame. I feel talking about it ruins my reputation.

@Bow I had a very conservative upbringing so talking about things of this nature doesn't come natural to me. The importance of reputation has also been ingrained in me.