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I have been struggling a lot lately with suicidal thoughts. It’s become a daily occurrence and it’s been really overwhelming to cope. I am safe right but having to fight this is very exhausting. I feel so trapped, I am tired of living in pain, fear and shame. I feel like a burden to people and unimportant.
I sorry that life feels constantly difficult for you @creative_writer . Im here with you.
I wonder all the time if I will ever be ok and most days I don’t think it will ever happen.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@tyme I am stuck in therapy. I feel like I’m moving too slowly. I want to get out of this but I’m really struggling. It’s hard not to replay the past and hard to feel safe. It’s hard to connect to people, even if I'm around them I’ll still feel lonely. So additional socialising isn’t working out for me at uni.
@Captain24 it’s hard 😔.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
I had an appointment with mental health clinician today from the program I've been with. I feel like he sort of has an idea of the nature of the trauma I experienced. I didn't intendedly say anything and it just sort of happened. Didn't realise he would be able to pick up from my subtle statement. Now I am freaking out.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
tymeModerator
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Sorry to be a little daft this arvo.... I'm confused @creative_writer ...
So you spoke to a MH clinician about your past trauma, and now you are freaking out? Have I got that right?
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
TW: trauma SA
So he knows I have trauma but doesn't know the details and I didn't tell him the nature of it. So I something said, "I feel like less of a person because of it". He said that many assault victims feel that way. Did I say something to imply I was SA? Or maybe I've said stuff before to imply. But it completely blew me off guard.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
tymeModerator
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Hrmmmm... thank you for clarifying @creative_writer . Perhaps the mention of SA was only an assumption on they MH clinician's part?
If this is causing your stress, it's probably good to ask them to contact you to see if you can clarify things?
What do you think?
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@tyme I highly suspect he believes that's what happened but I didn't confirm or deny it. Maybe he knows I'm not ready for that. What good would denying it do? I'm afraid of being seen as broken. This shame is very strong and takes me off my feet, hence why I prefer it if most people don't know about it.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
tymeModerator
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Would that be the reason life seems to be holding back? @creative_writer Only a thought though. It's important you tackle trauma when you are ready to.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@tyme my psychologist knows about it. The extra support with MH clinician, peer mentor and psychosocial worker was just a temporary intensive add-on treatment. My psychologist tends to be booked out a lot so coming by for more frequent appointments can be hard, so I've had extra support following my intense suicidality.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
tymeModerator
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
I hope you are finding the extra wrap-around support helpful @creative_writer
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