Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor02 Aug 2022, 3:29 pm AEST

Struggling: TW suicide

I have been struggling a lot lately with suicidal thoughts. It’s become a daily occurrence and it’s been really overwhelming to cope. I am safe right but having to fight this is very exhausting. I feel so trapped, I am tired of living in pain, fear and shame. I feel like a burden to people and unimportant.

1711 replies

171 - 180 of 1,711

1...17 18 19...172

In response to: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator09 Sept 2022, 5:36 pm AEST

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Makes sense @creative_writer . Now I get where you are coming from. My parents never directly told me to only trust family... rather, it was ingrained in me to be independent and NOT rely on anyone! That's why seeking help was so hard for me too.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Captain24Senior Contributor09 Sept 2022, 5:44 pm AEST

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Sorry to jump in @creative_writer @tyme but I get it!

My family is about not having or showing any form of weakness.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor09 Sept 2022, 6:23 pm AEST

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme @Captain24 reaching out for help can be hard especially if you’ve grown up not doing so. Reputation tends to be a factor for me, like you’re supposed to preserve your honour, and you’re essentially spilling out your darkest secrets by talking.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Captain24Senior Contributor09 Sept 2022, 6:28 pm AEST

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

It is so hard @creative_writer. @tyme I really struggle with talking and try to express myself. I do open up on here but I still hold the darkest stuff back.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator09 Sept 2022, 6:36 pm AEST

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

I hear you both @Captain24 @creative_writer ,

Isn't it incredible how our upbringing can really have a power over us. I really appreciate you sharing what is happening for you @creative_writer , because it's not often that I read of how events such as the ones you have described, can affect us so much.

For me, I began slowly and carefully. I was very careful. Even today, I do not speak openly of my MH to my family (but maybe because I don't see or speak to them much anyway)? They live interstate.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor09 Sept 2022, 8:02 pm AEST

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@Captain24 I feel you. It’s hard to really get into the dark stuff. I am always afraid of upsetting people, not feeling heard or being believed. I think many of us feel ashamed of parts of ourselves that’s it’s hard to share certain things. I’ve gotten horrific thoughts of doing horrific things which I would never do, but feel guilty for having them.

@tyme I could tell my mum knew I was upset after speaking to her and stopped talking about it. I’m not sure if it’s sunk in her mind how bad things have been. I’m generally not very open up my mental health with her but it was essential for safety planning. I guess she’s always been the stressed out mum.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator09 Sept 2022, 8:16 pm AEST

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Sounds like your mum might have quite a lot of insecurities herself? @creative_writer ?

When you said you saw your mum look upset so you stopped talking, it reminds me of me previous 'avoidant' behaviours. If something was upsetting, I'd avoid it.

Over time, I've worked with my therapist to face some of these insecurities by being okay with sitting with not knowing. Also, when you saw your mum was upset, did it ever cross your mind to say "I can see you are upset, what is making you upset?" - I found this so hard to say at first. but now, whenever something unpleasant happens, I push myself to say such things so that it can put out on the table and the upset doesn't have to eat me up inside.

Am I even making sense? I don't know...sorry if i'm confusing you.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor09 Sept 2022, 9:12 pm AEST

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme actually my mum stopped talking when I started to look upset over what she said. But regardless I stayed sulky afterwards and still am. Only because I am still convinced she is sceptical about the extra support I’ve had. I mean would she otherwise suggest watching a short video about someone who found the mental health system unhelpful from her lecture. It may sound strange since she’s also studying social work herself. I mean there are good and bad mental health professionals, like with any profession. I do agree that there is a lot of room for improvement in Australia. But treatment still works. I do think she has anxiety herself and has a tendency of thinking people serve their own self interest at the end of the day.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator09 Sept 2022, 9:56 pm AEST

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

It's so interesting that you say she is studying social work herself @creative_writer .

I hear you.

Hugs.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor10 Sept 2022, 11:40 am AEST

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme I am still trying to sort through what support I am comfortable getting from her. She's settled down right now. She wants me to be more open with her now and says she's more ready and experienced now than previously. But I am still scared of talking about past trauma because it's really important to feel safe, well supported, understood and for her to be on top of dealing with the distress it may bring.

171 - 180 of 1,711

1...17 18 19...172