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Something’s not right

Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor02 Aug 2022, 3:29 pm AEST

Struggling: TW suicide

I have been struggling a lot lately with suicidal thoughts. It’s become a daily occurrence and it’s been really overwhelming to cope. I am safe right but having to fight this is very exhausting. I feel so trapped, I am tired of living in pain, fear and shame. I feel like a burden to people and unimportant.

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In response to: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator29 Jan 2023, 8:57 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@creative_writer - makes sense. Having been emotionally suppressed myself, I've learnt how damaging it can be.

I think that's why I speak to my nieces and nephews a lot about emotions etc.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor29 Jan 2023, 9:28 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme it is very damaging, not only emotionally but biologically. It's the perfect storm for triggering/worsening migraines, general pains and mood instability/circadian rhythm regulation issues. Humans are not designed to suppress their emotions but to feel them. So in that sense, it probably makes a lot of sense to be feeling the way I am.

I feel like parents and adults need to be mindful of how they talk about emotions with kids. They are in that sensitive period of their life and learning and absorbing so much. Healing generational trauma starts somewhere, doesn't it?

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator29 Jan 2023, 9:38 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Most definitely @creative_writer . I absolutely agree. Suppressing emotions can be so damaging. I always thought some emotions were 'bad' and if I felt them, I was a 'bad' person. Conversely, that I should always be 'happy' and because I wasn't always happy, there was something wrong with me. This was so confusing for me. So much so that I suppressed my emotions and disconnected to protect myself. These are the unhelpful behaviours I developed.

I thought all this was 'normal'.... later on, when I could not longer stand to live, I realised this is certainly NOT normal.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor29 Jan 2023, 9:47 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme I’ve been realising. I think I’ve always been super cautious not to make other people uncomfortable. My mum was very emotional and still is. Though probably has toned down a bit with age, but it was hard. But to be honest, I am scared of triggering an earthquake of emotions in her. Like I’m supposed to protect her. I have felt guilty in some ways, like I am failing her needs to something. Like I spoken about how lonely I felt before, it ended up with her talking and crying about losing grandpa (he passed away when I was a toddler). And then she sort of said, didn’t you know I was very close to my father. Like I was totally not expecting on triggering her. She also spoke about how nobody else can meet those needs she needed, and it got a bit intense, not going to go into it all. It’s like her light flipped and she was angry at me.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator29 Jan 2023, 9:57 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Hearing you @creative_writer . They were similar situations as you have describe which caused me to close up. I hardly talked for over 10 years.

Nowadays, people can't believe I used to barely talk, hardly socialised and lived under the blankets most of my life.

They think I'm the most sociable person - but I'm not. I'm actually quite nervous in social situations. But I know getting out is what I need. I don't want to go back to the way I was.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator29 Jan 2023, 10:02 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

I'll be hopping off now @creative_writer . Hope you have a good rest. I'll catch up with you later in the week. I can tag you once I'm online 🙂

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor29 Jan 2023, 10:03 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme, when I first started school, I would literally not talk and would refuse to eat and cry. The older kids would try to soothe me and get me to eat. I also got sent to the speech therapist. I think there was a psychological basis, I held a lot of anxiety. A child is naturally going to absorb their mum's anxiety, separation anxiety was bad. But I grew out of it eventually. Though my mum still has separation anxiety from all her kids. I've never been a really sociable person either.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor29 Jan 2023, 10:04 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Goodnight @tyme 🙂 I hope you have a good week

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor30 Jan 2023, 6:57 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

I don’t think I’m okay 🥺. How does one be okay?

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor30 Jan 2023, 7:06 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

I wish I could just wake up from this nightmare and be okay. I am tired. Tired of depression, social anxiety, cptsd and migraines. When will it leave?

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.