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Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor02 Aug 2022, 3:29 pm AEST

Struggling: TW suicide

I have been struggling a lot lately with suicidal thoughts. It’s become a daily occurrence and it’s been really overwhelming to cope. I am safe right but having to fight this is very exhausting. I feel so trapped, I am tired of living in pain, fear and shame. I feel like a burden to people and unimportant.

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In response to: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor19 Jan 2023, 1:18 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@Former-Member at home today. Might try sleeping if I can. Watch some tv and read. Might also try some grounding, breathing and prayer. This depressive episode has made things harder, gotta get my meds reviewed too but have to wait for the psychiatrist appointment in two months. I used to be more stable.

💖

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Unknown userMember19 Jan 2023, 1:45 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

❤️ we'll all be sitting with you @creative_writer

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor19 Jan 2023, 2:23 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@Former-Member maybe part of it comes down to feeling as though I am failing expectations. My parents were always concerned about what other people think. And I’ve been bullied too many times to count. So I developed this need to be careful around people and that their opinions matter. There is still a lot of stigma around mental illness. I am sure there are people out there who would think I am unstable for having bipolar, social anxiety and cptsd. SA is also very stigmatised. I just want to feel loved and accepted for who I am. The stigma has left me feeling unwanted and unloveable.

💖

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor20 Jan 2023, 7:22 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

My sister asked about my SH scars, I told her I fell on the stairs, even though that wasn’t true 😢.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator20 Jan 2023, 7:43 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

How old is your sister @creative_writer ?

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor20 Jan 2023, 7:53 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme she’s 21, so a couple of years younger. She was probably just asking for concern than anything else. I don’t think her automatic response was SH. She was probably more like “what did my clumsy sister do this time?”

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator20 Jan 2023, 8:28 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

TW: Self Harm

Yeah, hearing you @creative_writer . I used to have a similar issue. Had to hide all the SH under bandages and long sleeves.

The hardest incidence was when I nearly lost my arm due to infection. My left arm blew up to twice its size overnight... it was touch and go.

I think at that time, I was addicted to SH. I don't even know why I did it.

The best thing was that my psychologist never acted 'shocked' - he simply said, "if you're going to do it, do it safely" - I think this gave me a reason to stop. It just happened. I believe he knew that SH was simply stemming from underlying issues. Hence, it was about tackling what was causing the SH rather than SH itself.

Other therapists try to tackle to SH and say, "Don't do it"... this made me do it more...

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor20 Jan 2023, 8:44 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme I haven't really SH for like two months, I hope I can maintain it, but obviously scars take ages to fade. I had to live off PRN for a while, I wasn't sure if I could get off it but I did, finally. I think things are a bit better, but it will be working in progress for a while. It never really helps to be told not to do it and some people really do struggle to step back and not become angry over it. I restart schema therapy and will be doing more EMDR, so hopefully, that will help. Will be seeing a psychiatrist in two months, if not sooner, depending on if they get a cancellation. I don't think my circadian rhythms have been good. I find a connection between mood stability and circadian rhythms.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator20 Jan 2023, 8:53 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

That's progress @creative_writer ! Well done! Impressive that you have SH in a while. For me, it was a period of SH (actually a long time), then once I stopped, i just STOPPED..... I can't explain it.

As for the PRN, I'm glad you no longer need them every night. Sometimes, during stressful periods, we may need them every night, then when things get better, you won't need them as much.

Good news all round 🙂 Remember, it's progress, not perfection!

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor20 Jan 2023, 9:03 pm AEDT

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme I think I am flying now. I don’t know if I’m going to get much sleep at this rate lol. Don’t know what brought up the sudden change, brains are weird. I sure hope I don’t end up with a migraine though. High energy mood states are not good for them. I feel so tempted not to take my meds to keep this high going. But that would probably not be a good idea. I hate having to control something that feels good but you gotta do what you gotta do.

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