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I have been struggling a lot lately with suicidal thoughts. It’s become a daily occurrence and it’s been really overwhelming to cope. I am safe right but having to fight this is very exhausting. I feel so trapped, I am tired of living in pain, fear and shame. I feel like a burden to people and unimportant.
@Snowie your dinner sounds nice too. I just took food that I already cooked last week out of the freezer.
Regarding self-blame, that’s true, it’s easier said than done.
I hope you do have a restful night and that tomorrow is better for you too . Take care of yourself. It’s been nice to connect to you too. I think connection does make a difference, it can help one stay safe.
💞.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Feeling distressed today. Can't stop thinking about doing things that I shouldn't, but I am safe right now, don't really feel my existence makes much of a difference anyways. I've tried contacting a helpline and the mental health triage but still feel so overwhelmed. I've been prone to bouts of agitation lately, long days can do that, been really depressed, and trauma memories have been hard. My psych is away, and I have to wait to see a psychiatrist, waitlists are insane and I don't feel like going back to the last one because I just felt worse after the last appointment, I don't think she is the right pdoc for me. I have a counsellor for the short term and the appointment is on Wednesday but she doesn't know all of my history.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Eve7Senior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
I’m sorry it’s so tough for you right now @creative_writer and I hope you don’t have to wait too long to get the right pdoc. It’s super hard not having the right support.
Your existence does matter but I know what it’s like to feel worthless so I am hearing you.
I’m still at work but I can chat for a while.
Sending hugs
🫂🤗🫂
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@Eve7 I am at tipping point, but I am getting to that place slowly, I may be safe for now, but for how long? I even almost gave up a couple of weeks ago because things were so bad. My dad caught me and had to stop me. I don’t feel like calling the triage again because I don’t know if it’ll help or make me feel worse. I don’t even know what to do.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Eve7Senior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
I’m so sorry @creative_writer please stay safe.
Can you do some self care? I have a box of poems and photos to look at to try and lift my mood. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t.
Please stay safe 💜
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@Eve7I can keep trying self care and maybe focus on keeping safe for now as opposed to the rest of the day. I think the physical pain hasn’t been helping. I think the acidity is causing pain in my stomach. So started taking antacids. And I’ve been getting headaches with the stomach pain, it’s weird. It’s an iffy combination along with MI. I’ve been feeling so weak and at times lightheaded too. I do at least have a doc appointment after the weekend.
❤️
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Eve7Senior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
It’s good you have an appointment after the weekend @creative_writer and please keep in touch witch us here whenever necessary.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
SnowieSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Hi @creative_writer
Sorry to hear today has been hard for you. I hope tonight is a little easier.
Please know that we are here for you through the good and bad times.
@Eve7💕💕
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Eve7Senior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Hey @Snowie I hope today has been worthwhile for you.
💜💜
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@Eve7it’s hard. I hate my mind has thought of ways that I could end my life. Right now, I just need to stay away from whatever I could use, there is a reason why my parents keep it.
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