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Something’s not right

Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Struggling: TW suicide

I have been struggling a lot lately with suicidal thoughts. It’s become a daily occurrence and it’s been really overwhelming to cope. I am safe right but having to fight this is very exhausting. I feel so trapped, I am tired of living in pain, fear and shame. I feel like a burden to people and unimportant.

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In response to: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

I am too damaged. By default, I don’t expect people to understand. I’ve lived 28 years and don’t feel fully safe with anyone. People are not trustworthy and reliable, so I suppose I am born alone, fight alone and die alone.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Unknown userMember

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

hey @creative_writer, those are some big feelings. And I won't say that I fully know or understand you. But I know you've got forum friends on here that would love to know how they can support you.

Are you up for telling us what you need today?

What you said about dying alone really tugs at my heart strings. And it also prompted me to share this post on posting safely on the forums when talking about thoughts of suicide

I know the peer workers and other forum members would feel more able to support if we knew if you were safe. Some top part of the post above are:

  • It’s okay to post if you are having thoughts of suicide, however it is important that you can confirm your safety and let the community know you are safe on the post. eg, “These are the thoughts I’m having, but I am safe”

  • If you are having thoughts of suicide or self harm and are seeking help, it’s important to let the community know what you are doing to stay safe. eg, “I am having these thoughts, but I will use my strategies to stay safe/call a helpline if things get worse”

  • If you are talking about thoughts of suicide or self harm in past tense, make sure the community know that you are safe for now and that it happened in the past.

  • If you can’t confirm your safety or feel unsafe, it is important that you log off and seek crisis support.

What do you think? Sitting with you ❤️

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@Former-Member sorry just realised the suicidal undertones of my last post. I am safe, though I suppose I’ve had self-destructive thoughts but haven’t done anything today. I had a conversation and it sparked that I need to have low expectations of people, so thought should expect people to meet my needs. My mum said she has low expectations from people in general including family. I don’t need to feel loved or comforted. I can be compassionate towards myself and hug myself. I can feel safe alone, so no barrier. So the question is, how do I suppress these needs and be completely independent? I don’t want to need people.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Unknown userMember

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@creative_writer, sounds like being independent has an important coping tool for you and way to make yourself feel safe. I know that's a really common way to cope for people who've been through a lot ❤️

I don't think I have the answers for you on how to suppress those needs.

I know for me, there has been a balancing act of how I can empower myself with the skills to recover and take control of how I recover, AND with knowing that human connection (on some level) is also a big need for everyone. For me, I first healed by becoming hyper-independent. During this time, the worst of my MH slowly slipped away. But for me to be happy, I had to then heal my hyper-independence. If that makes sense?

Maybe it's that at different points in our lives, we might need different things. Not sure what you think?

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@Former-Member ❤️

I think I know what you mean. I guess sometimes my issues can get mixed with my mum’s. It can leave me confused at times, is she disappointed that I am not fulfilling her needs enough? Is she hurt that despite everything she has done for me, I still feel alone. Emotions are really messy, and it’s like discussing my emotions brings up her own issues.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

I feel touch deprived. I don’t know why. I hug my family all the time, but it’s not the same. I need to hug a safe person.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Weighted blanket? @creative_writer . I love mine.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme I only have a normal blanket. I could use that since it’s what I have. I feel like crying 😢. Maybe I’m hormonal too.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

tymeModerator

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Hugs for you @creative_writer .

I find my weighted blanket keeps me grounded.

Otherwise I just browse online to past time.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

creative_writerSenior Contributor

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme maybe I should get one. I’m going to try to take things easy. I had been really unwell physically for two days. Fatigue and moodiness today is expected. It would be good to find a decent GP to get some guidance on pain relief. My current one says I just have to deal with the pain when it comes. Prescription meds makes things tricky in terms of pain relief.

Sending hugs
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