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I have been struggling a lot lately with suicidal thoughts. It’s become a daily occurrence and it’s been really overwhelming to cope. I am safe right but having to fight this is very exhausting. I feel so trapped, I am tired of living in pain, fear and shame. I feel like a burden to people and unimportant.
Sounds like you have some good strategies for you it @creative_writer. Are they helping tonight?
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@Former-Member the challenging part, yes. Need to still work on self-compassion, it’s hard for me to feel like I am worthy and that it’s okay to reach out for help. I think it’s not so much I need someone to talk to, but someone safe to hug and cry on. But I just haven’t found that safe person yet. I guess trauma makes it hard to even feel comfortable being vulnerable even around people that are close to you too. Sometimes it’s not so much words but presence.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Unknown userMember
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
the self-compassion will come @creative_writer❤️
I feel you about not having someone special there. I found it really lonely when I was experiencing that.
What do you think would be different if you had a presence or someone there with you?
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@Former-Member self-compassion is a journey for sure ❤️
I think these emotions need to be let out so that my heart feels lighter. There is a huge difference in falling apart when you are alone in bed and falling apart in front of someone who cares and willing to comfort you. I feel like having someone is more with you is more cathartic. But the problem is, I only really feel the most safe crying alone.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Unknown userMember
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@creative_writer, I hear that it's super important to you to have that at some point. No need to answer, but I wonder what small changes you can make to get there over time?
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@Former-Member I'm not sure if there is any way to get there without working through my trauma. I experience a lot of anxiety around people, I disassociate often too. I think it will be a process, it's not as simple as putting myself out there and meeting new people. If I cannot connect with people, it makes it hard for relationships to progress any further.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Unknown userMember
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
It's so tricky @creative_writer❤️ I know you'll get there over time
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@Former-Member I hope so ❤️
Feeling depressed and energised at the same time, haven’t sleep well for the past two days either. I don’t know if I’ve gone in a mixed mood state. Along with that, I’ve been processing trauma, and it’s hard. I don’t know why it took me so long to realise certain things. I don’t know what to say, I fear, if I talk about it, it’ll be hard to contain.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
FloatingFeatherSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Hi @creative_writer,
Sounds like you have a few conflicting feelings going on at the moment. I know for me when I don't sleep well for a couple of days I struggle physically and emotionally.
It also sounds like you have a bit on your mind. I find things like trauma can bring up feelings and thoughts that may be difficult to process alone - perhaps it would be better for you to discuss this with someone on your team who is trained to support you through the process.
I hope you are okay and your feelings of depression subside.
Hugs,
FloatingFeather
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@FloatingFeather my psych will be away for the next month. I have appointments in a counsellor meanwhile but I don’t know the counsellor very well so it’s really hard to talk about personal things with her. I have to wait until I can get in with a psychiatrist and it will be a new psychiatrist, someone I’ve never seen before.
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