Struggling: TW suicide

Radical acceptance meant a lot to me when I felt this way @creative_writer - to accept the things I could not change. To embrace the NOW. To live in the moment.

Hey @creative_writer I've taken over for Tyme this arvo. Here to chat if ya like!

It's absolutely a THING to have your emotions not make sense. They're different parts of the brain - parts that evolved at different times, i.e. the emotional brain (what I call lizard brain) evolved first, because it is intricately linked to our survival instincts. The mammalian brain (prefrontal cortex) evolved last, and it's the bit involved with logic, reason, decision-making. When we get activated, triggered, or emotionally heightened, the mammalian brain can shut down, which is why it's so much harder to 'reason' your way forward!

Ahh I hope it's okay I'm rambling about this, it's one of my special interests haha. But yeah I think you're right, sometimes all you can do is acknowledge it and sit with it - that's part of radical acceptance! Maybe it doesn't make sense, or it's irrational, but emotions are also always impermanent too 😊

@creative_writer yeah it is 100% a skill, needs practice - but for me that has been reassuring, because it makes it feel achievable, ya know?

Yeah I get you, it is really really nice to have these supports to lean on, and I've found this community a really special place, even as a mod. But there's also very much a need to have people in our lives that we can spend physical time with.

I'm sorry that you don't really have that at the moment, and I really relate to that idea of having not really had your emotional needs met by your family. I've had to process that too, where I thank them for being loving, and caring, but have also had a lot of healing to do to learn how to build safe and secure relationships. Definitely takes time, but sounds to me that you're on the right path 💜

@JynxI’ve been suggested by friends in the past to be more open with my parents regarding my mental health but they just get too emotionally involved that I don’t want to juggle my anxiety with theirs simultaneously. Friends just drift apart, I have convinced myself I am no longer as loveable or important because of my MIs and trauma. So what’s the point? Besides they are too busy, and text doesn’t cut it. They have more important and loveable people in their lives, they don’t need me. They could text me if they thought I was important. I don’t have a friend I can call whenever I am in crisis.

❤️

Same @creative_writer 😩

@creative_writer I feel you. I have noticed that conversations with my folks about my mental health have often resulted in me having to manage their responses and their anxieties, rather than feeling that they want to support me. It's rough.

Honestly, I wish I had a simple, easy way to find your people. It took me almost 25 years to find mine... and I feel so lucky for that. It's so easy to believe that you must be unloveable - I remember the first time I did Schema Therapy and scored highly in the idea that I was unworthy of being loved, and no one would ever stick by me. When the psychologist told me, I broke down because it felt so true.

As annoying as it is to hear as advice, something that really ended up ringing true for me was that I needed to go and start doing things I loved, and it was in those places that I started finding my people. It was when I stopped looking for it, and started doing things meaningful to me... I dunno if this is something you've already tried, or if it doesn't ring true for you... that's fair, maybe my experience isn't universal. But at the very least, I hope sharing it can help you to hold onto hope for finding your own people. Ones with whom you feel safe and cared for.

Another thing I spent time working on shifting in my perception of myself was convincing my anxiety-riddled brain that when people don't message back, it typically has nothing to do with me or how much they care. It was really rough to feel like I was always the person reaching out, and never being reached out to - but that wasn't always accurate. By and large, most people are also anxious, and fatigued, and busy, and many people also have social anxiety even if it doesn't seem like it outwardly. Is there anyone who was once a friend, or who you miss, that you could reach out to and see if they're open to spending some time together? Maybe a long-shot but thought I'd throw it out there as a suggestion.

I hope it's okay that I'm sharing all this with you, and I hope it helps you feel less alone in your experiences. I just really relate to a lot of what you're saying 💜

@creative_writer totally! Parents are also people, something that can take time to shift your perspective around. Because there's so many social factors too - it can be hard to keep in mind they were only doing the best they could with what they had... but it's really hard when you just didn't have your primary caregivers show up for you in a way that mattered.

Oh that's really tricky. It's especially hard in the current pandemic-environment to make solid plans. I guess keep trying? Maybe the stars will align...