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Something’s not right

Struggling: TW suicide

Struggling: TW suicide

I have been struggling a lot lately with suicidal thoughts. It’s become a daily occurrence and it’s been really overwhelming to cope. I am safe right but having to fight this is very exhausting. I feel so trapped, I am tired of living in pain, fear and shame. I feel like a burden to people and unimportant.

1711 replies

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In response to: Struggling: TW suicide

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@creative_writer I hear you. It sounds like a really hard and difficult place to be ❤️

All I can say is that it is hard, but it will pass. Just a few years ago, after going through some similar things to you, I was left with very few friends. I had just left an abusive relationship, during which I only knew my partners friends. Because of the way my ex had treated me, I did feel worthless. I had no idea what I enjoyed doing and I had to learn how to make friends. But looking back now, I have come so far.

I see you doing similar things to me like therapy and reaching out here for support. I can't fix this, but I have a lot of hope for you that things will get better and they will change ❤️

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@Former-Member ❤️ learning to let new people into my life is hard since I feel so self-conscious and not safe around people, afraid of being judged even by those close to me. It is something I really need to work on in therapy. I feel like I’ve fallen into a bad depressive spiral again. I know it happens when my mind goes to dark places. At least I know I can resist urges right and stay safe for now. I’ll take it easy today, brain has been very exhausted. I have a 30 mins Arabic reading class today and an appointment with a counsellor. I might also make fish for dinner. And will try to do self-care stuff.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

If only you could pretend the pain away 😭😭. And here I am sniffing in tears.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Sitting with you tonight @creative_writer ❤️

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@amber22 ❤️ it just hurts. When will it hurt less? I think I’ll be crying some more tonight when I am alone.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Hey @creative_writer ,

I've just logged on - alone? Are you going to be home alone tonight? Is that what you mean?

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme no I’m not home alone. But I have my own bedroom so I have privacy to break down when I go to bed.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Awww my dear @creative_writer . I'm with you. You are not alone.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

@tyme I don’t know why I became so depressed again today, my brain is being weird. I thought I was getting better. I felt some form of stability after forever, but it came as fast as it left. It’s funny how my meds are more helpful with normalising mild mania but fall short on normalising depression. I am ruminating again. How could someone think SA was ever okay? I feel so worthless, damaged and dirty. And now I feel like I am not loveable. And then I am surrounded by a culture that tries to silence me. I have to live with hidden mental illnesses because I would be shamed otherwise. This mask gets exhausting.

In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Re: Struggling: TW suicide

Will depression ever go away permanently? There is this pressure that I need to stabilise, so I am able to reduce my meds and have a normal life. My parents have shown concern about the amount of medication I am on and future marriage.
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