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I have been struggling a lot lately with suicidal thoughts. It’s become a daily occurrence and it’s been really overwhelming to cope. I am safe right but having to fight this is very exhausting. I feel so trapped, I am tired of living in pain, fear and shame. I feel like a burden to people and unimportant.
@creative_writer I'm sorry things felt so bad tonight. Thank you for telling me that you're ok now.
If it's ok, I might send you an email tomorrow. Not about your immediate safety, but just about how we can support you at the moment, given things are extra tough. Is that ok?
In response to: Struggling: TW suicide
Unknown userMember
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
And all of these are great ideas too @creative_writer❤️
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@Former-Member❤️ email is fine. I guess we all have to work on improving ourselves. I don’t entirely agree with everything my parents do but it does not give me an excuse for an anger outburst. PTSD hyperarousal can send me off overdrive. Underneath it all is a lot of hurt.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Unknown userMember
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
❤️@creative_writer I'll send you that email tomorrow or Thursday then.
I'm logging off for the night. I hope you have some restful time ❤️
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Goodnight @Former-Member . I hope you have a lovely and restful night too ❤️❤️
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Captain24Senior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Hey @creative_writer i was just reading through. It’s been a rough night for you too!
I just want to say I am 45 DON’T live under the same roof as my parents but I’m still treated like a child! This is just so you know you are not alone.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@Captain24 I’ve been numb for a lot of today. Yesterday was exhausting. I get they worry about me. In some ways they even suspect AD triggered this mood instability too since I never had mood fluctuations like this before the meds. It is hard to say what would’ve happened if I never took depression medication, but I only reacted because there was an underlying predisposition. They are sceptical of the mental health system in some ways. I know that not all mental health professionals are the same, but there are people who are good at their job out there. It’s hard trying to be open when I have my own trauma history plus parents anxieties to deal with. I can’t even fully open up to my psych. I think I am not only carrying my trust issues but theirs.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
I don’t know if it’s just my depressed brain but I feel like people don’t care. I’m not as loveable and worthy. I am too depressed, broken, damaged and dirty. I am a burden.
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
Unknown userMember
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@creative_writer, sorry to hear you're feeling this? Depression brain is a powerful thing!
For me, it took a lot to change thoughts I had similar to these. I still have them sometimes ❤️ I found it useful to think about things that happened in real like which proved these thoughts wrong. Not sure if that could be useful?
What are you getting up to today?
In response to: Re: Struggling: TW suicide
creative_writerSenior Contributor
Re: Struggling: TW suicide
@Former-Member❤️ I just feel that maybe people don’t care or like me as much as before. I have friends but can barely consistently keep in touch. Like they do respond eventually, so I don’t think they have deserted me. But a part of me wonders if I’m too much for them. My rejection brain has turned on, and I really feel so worthless, insignificant, unimportant. I’ve wanted to find a sense of belonging but just can’t. But I think my social anxiety has been on a high too. Haven’t been up to much, washed clothes, I feel sleep deprived. Spent last night crying.
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