Losing my grip

I wish I didn't have my journey @tyme. It's been hell. I value my good experiences, my achievements. But it's all been for nothing, or for others' benefit.

How do people do this to others?

You're living well, @tyme. 👍

I'm so sorry to hear how difficult it has been @Historylover .

I acknowledge your strength in reaching out even when things ARE though. That speaks to your desire for things to shift - for the better.

Is there anything in particular you'd like to talk about tonight?

tyme

I'm living well now, yes. Has it always been well? No way! Far from it in fact. @Historylover . I've been through the darkest of times. Times I never thought I'd get out of.... yet I'm here to tell the story.

In a way, I think that's why my life is so full now. I feel like I'm now making up for all the time I lost when I was in such a low state.

Now the pendulum has swung the other way and I'm always on the go.

Connection and my desire to help others has pulled me out of my past state.

I'm here for you @Historylover

I don't know what to do, @tyme, that's all. The only thing that keeps me going is the mistaken belief that it will all work out in the end. But it won't, which leaves me where? I just keep going along the path being set out for me, which isn't in my best interest. I can't talk here as it's too dark, I can't trust therapists. I'm just stuck in a mess of others' making and it's just not fair. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I don't want to go to bed, sometimes I don't want to get up, sometimes I don't want to go out, sometimes I don't want to go home. I didn't deserve this. No-one does.

@Historylover We had a salad the other day just because I felt like I needed some veg in my life. I am normally a decent cook, grew up in kitchens so know my way around a pan, but tonight will likely be leftovers because it's getting late and I can't make up my mind.

Like @tyme has said, you've got some inner strength somewhere in there, because you reached out. That's got value, even when others have tried to take value away

@Historylover . I hear you and acknowledge your pain and hurt.

I was speaking to someone today who was facing a challenging situation. I asked, "What glasses are you wearing as you walk into this?" It stumped her.

I then proceeded to share my experiences of walking into a situation with a fixed mindset - lo and behold, the outcome was negative.

On the other hand, I also shared my experiences of walking into a situation with a growth mindset - lo and behold, the outcome was completely transformed.

In the end, this person I was speaking to came out with a really positive attitude - the situation wasn't positive, but she was able to see it as an opportunity.

I respect your decision not to share what has happened. If you feel able, are you able to view it with a different lens? If not now, another time?

Kindest, tyme

I meant you're living well with your stroganoff and spanakopita, @tyme!

My life has been involved in helping others too, @tyme. What a fool. I think winners look after themselves. Without conscience. At others' expense.

This is my life. Online. In the real world, I just don't fit in because excluding me, controlling me, exploiting me is standard. I've been there, and my ex-psychiatrist got me out of it. Why did he go to so much trouble just to destroy me? What sort of person does that? I don't know what to say, what to do. I just wish someone in the real world would help me, really help ME, not themselves.

Hey @Historylover sitting with you and sending lots of support.

💙🤗💙

Thanks my friend @Eve7. You were there for me last time too.

I hope you're doing alright these days.