Losing my grip

Just about finished my course @Appleblossom in more ways than one. It is clear that they are out to block my path–a repeat of lifelong patterns for me too. All doors are always closed except the one they want me to go through, and that's never in my best interest, only theirs.

I enquired about an aspect of my assessment and in the reply he didn't sign it as usual with his given name, but as Dr. Xxxx Y... I wondered if I should reply as Ms. Aaaaaaaa B... Perhaps he was feeling threatened.

Feeling so damned low. It's just one thing compounding another at the moment. I guess that is the intent. Take care.

Still safe.

Heya @Historylover. It seems like you've had a really difficult few days with your uni experiences and feeling they're trying to make you fail. I'm so sorry that what's happening is making you feel so low. It's not fair ❤️

I know when I feel like it's one thing after another, I get so exhausted and I feel on edge wondering what will be next. Does that resonate with you?

I'm glad you're safe, and I hope you've found some support with us over the last few days, especially from @Appleblossom ❤️ , but is there any extra support our special community can give you through the forums?

Sitting with you over these few days,

TuxedoCat

Maybe just get the course done ... so you have qual ... and try another avenue to fill your life for a while ... and see what happens ... and the academic fields morph this way and that. @Historylover Maybe its not the art therapy either, but keep looking around. Maybe the freedom to choose new interests will surprise. Dont compromise.

I did get out to the roses today and did my pruney thing ... needed to make sure I had robust clothes on that would not get caught in all the thorns and me big solid gloves. Had chat with neighbour who is selling ... so much change in the local street too.

I'm just trying to recompose @Former-Member. I don't have time to wonder what is going to happen next, it just keeps happening. One thing on top of another and no breathers in between. I just don't know what to do. I never get a break. I bust my guts with my course assignments, and they know it. It shows. And they delight in criticizing my work and giving unacceptable assessments marks to dispirit me. I have no qualms with constructive criticism, but malicious undermining is another matter.

The only way I'll get my dues with my course is if they sense that I am suspicious of them and change tack to make me doubt myself. They are humouring me.

Quite some time later...I have just had a telephone call from a lady at the neighbourhood house I attend for gardening (of a kind) from time to time. We had a chat, not about troubles, just a nice chat. I am feeling brighter and have made arrangements to have lunch and computer lessons at my place soon...next week even. We just have to tee it up.

Take care.👍😊

@Appleblossom, life sure is a hard slog sometimes.

At the moment, I'm exhausted from it all. So sick of problems...and politics, but nearly finished it–weeks early as I just wanted to do what is necessary and forget about all of the optional extras. It's so damned dry, and uninteresting. Good luck to those who found it enthralling, and to those whose career is political–you sure need a thick skin. I just wanted to do well in my studies and my best work in the assignments. Teachers sure do make a difference to a student's achievements and striving. They can knock all the good hopes out of you. A lot of clever people must fall by the wayside, disillusioned. I won't get the course done. One way or another, they'll stop me. They are just looking out for themselves.

I hope you're having a nice day today. I feel like biting people, but am suppressing it. I'm getting rid of my potted garden, pot by pot. Just sick of succulents which are all that grow on my concrete yard. Just need a change. Would dearly love some roses. I had some miniature ones in pots years ago, but the fellow who did the mowing out front, decided to use his Roundup on them when he thought I wasn't watching. One at a time. I was wondering why they were dying until I happened to see him. I said nothing, hosed my rose, then threw them away in disgust. I guess he was jealous of all of my 'assets'🤔. People sure can be the pits.

The art therapy was appalling, @Appleblossom. I got nothing out of it. I was just too angry at people who don't help when you're desperate, but offer help 18 - 24 months later when you've made gigantic strides by your own efforts (here), with people who really care. I see no benefit from all of this talk that they imagine is helpful. It isn't. Probably not for anyone. When the course is done, they go home and still have all of their problems, unchanged.

I sure am becoming a cynic🤨😏🤐😴🥱😕🙃😖😟😤😦🤯😬😡🤪🤬.

And today I developed a floater in my eye!

@Historylover

Life is what life is.

Good you had a decent phone chat and now a meeting to look forward to.

Live with dignity. You deserve it. Did your best.

My BS filter is growing. Working on being a realist, but old habits hard to change.

Chat with neighbour made me think of you... re turn other cheek" convo. She is a different generation and still a drinker etc, and can be quite a handfull. She is one of the first that said I was mad the way I forgave some of the things she said to me, then she moved to country to get her act together, and now getting place ready for sale and she appreciates her daggy old neighbour.

Hate the gung ho roundup guys.

I use old succulents as mulch!

Friend brought some around in pots this month.

Told son he could break plants getting them out but try and save the pots.

Only been able to research pruning and put it into practise this year.

Til now too busy doing other things.

So I guess now I have a lot more stories to help me wise up, and not repeat past mistakes. We'll see ...lol

Yep I know about growing up around excess concrete.

You'll figure out the best for your space.

Had a few chuckles reading your post @Appleblossom.

Thanks for your post, but my reply must be short. Had an emotionally exhausting day today, running the gamut.

Take care @Appleblossom. Wish I had a humourous retort but nothing is coming to mind. It's shut down.

All Good @Historylover

Great chatting.

Gotta go too.