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Please, not this again

meggles1Contributor11 Oct 2016, 3:08 pm AEDT

Please, not this again

A few years ago and after much hard work I slowly took myself off my truck load of meds and stopped seeing Psychiatrist. I completely changed my life to reduce stress etc and have done so well for a couple of years. But ... Not any more, feel like things are spinning out of control, depression getting harder to hide. I don't have an out as I promised my family suicide wouldn't be an option again. I simply cannot get on the Mental Health merry go round of finding professional support ( I was m/h professional myself for many years and am SO cynical) or the on going dramas of trialling/ adjusting meds, constant appointments etc. Many will relate to this merry go round that I can't contemplate again. Any thoughts fellow survivors??

23 replies

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In response to: Please, not this again

Unknown userMember15 Oct 2016, 10:11 pm AEDT

Re: Please, not this again

hi @meggles1

congratulations on staying well for so long before.. you have gotten well once before so you know you can do it again! I have started getting quite ... frustrated and maybe a bit bitter with the whole mental health issues that follow along everything in my life... the merry go round is difficult.

I'm glad that you've chosen a psychologist and made the choice to get into fitness. I must admit that i've been getting into the fitness lately and it has been helping to lessen the anxiety i feel....

I dont know how tech saavvy you are or want to be but for mindfullness i have been using the ACTcompanion book and app to help really practice mindfullness in theory and practice more and more... though i find it frustratingly hard.

i also get reminded by people who work with me to ask myself if i would say any of the negative/nasty self talk that i have running on full volume all the time to anyone else and what would i say to someone else in same situation.. which i also struggly with but i get the point.

Glad you have come onto the forums and hope that you continue to find them useful,

take care

In response to: Please, not this again

meggles1Contributor15 Oct 2016, 11:11 pm AEDT

Re: Please, not this again

So much encouragement here, thank you!! I too get so tired, frustrated and bitter - and sometimes I actually remember they are only feelings - but frequently feel defined by it. I'm keen to know more about the ACT app? but I'm not that tech savvy . . Off to bed now but will be checking back here in the morning. Rest easy all.

In response to: Re: Please, not this again

Unknown userMember16 Oct 2016, 8:10 pm AEDT

Re: Please, not this again

Hi @meggles1

if you have a smart phone or tablet/ipad search for ACTcompanion and it should come up... i think it did have a cost... but it has been worth it for me and it was a once off cost not a subscription.

how are you feeling today?

In response to: Please, not this again

meggles1Contributor16 Oct 2016, 9:13 pm AEDT

Re: Please, not this again

Yes thank you. I've downloaded app and started using it. I know how good it will be ( I have read Happiness Trap several times) but today whatever I read about values just made me cry. Everything makes me cry !!!!! I know they are just feelings - but . .

In response to: Re: Please, not this again

Unknown userMember16 Oct 2016, 9:32 pm AEDT

Re: Please, not this again

i usually don't feel lots of teary feallings... but i teared up today at the play ground with my kids because there were lots of new babies around and i won't ever have another baby, i almost laughed out loud at myself at the same time... so ridiculous! its confusing and so hard to have them be able to just take over at times and obliterate our chances of doing something else at times.

Glad you've got the app as well.. i'll be interested to know what bits you find really useful/which bits are challenging! I find the 'meditations' hard. im hopeless at just letting everything be there but not react to it, just acknowledge gently. im still practicing though!

In response to: Please, not this again

meggles1Contributor19 Oct 2016, 5:05 pm AEDT

Re: Please, not this again

Well I have surprised myself by following thru with my plan! I was hoping that by naming my plan ( on this forum) it would motivate me to stick to it and so far so good. I have made an appt with new psychologist for next Wed and today was my first gym session. This is really my last ditch effort before I accept going back on Meds so that is pretty motivating too. Just doing these positive few steps has increased my confidence and hope. I'm using the ACTcompanion app daily and finding it enormously helpful. Another thing I'm doing is expressing gratitude and appreciating how blessed I am to have periods like this where my illness allows me to take some baby steps - hopefully into a stronger and more resilient place. Thinking of all those cant even get out of bed today and sending my heartfelt wishes that tomoz will be better.

In response to: Please, not this again

Unknown userMember20 Oct 2016, 10:46 pm AEDT

Re: Please, not this again

I'm really really impressed and think you're amazing 🙂 well done on everything you are doing.
In awe really 🙂
Lj

In response to: Please, not this again

meggles1Contributor21 Oct 2016, 9:41 am AEDT

Re: Please, not this again

Thx for your encouragement lisajane. Had a fantastic day yesterday - wondering if I was feeling a bit too up - but today woke with a lot of anxiety and feeling a bit flat ( the rollercoaster continues) but just managed a mindful exercise for 30 mins so more relaxed and determined to get to gym. Will make a big effort to see my intrusive thoughts for what they are - just thoughts. How are u going today?

In response to: Please, not this again

meggles1Contributor25 Oct 2016, 9:42 am AEDT

Re: Please, not this again

My future is all behind me. Very hard to believe there is anything good ahead, except getting older and sicker and lonelier. I once had roles I really believed were valuable - especially mother but also great career etc. I grieve for those days. I do all the self talk that I'm still needed and valued bla bla but I don't believe it. I did a sky dive last week end with some faint hope the chute may not open. Obviously it did. My friend who is dying wants to live so bad, it's all so crazy.

In response to: Please, not this again

meggles1Contributor25 Oct 2016, 7:26 pm AEDT

Re: Please, not this again

Wishing someone had responded today, needed to feel I have some value to someone somewhere. I guess not here.

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