I can’t cope

I'm not your pdoc @Captain24 but I believe you can make it to Friday! You got this!!

You're not f'd up hun, you're human, in a very intense set of circumstances! It's okay to want reassurance, it's okay to want to go home but also not feel ready to leave, it's okay to be all out of sorts! All sounds pretty normal and expected to me.

Oh wild, I hope that she is getting some care and it's not becoming too disruptive to anyone else, yourself included!

@Captain24 Yeah my stuff was searched when I checked into the private clinic I went to, but never searched when I came back from leave. Apparently energy drinks weren’t allowed in there, but I didn’t know that! Ooops!

Im glad you’re starting to calm down and the nurse supported you.
yeah my bloods are bad again. Gp sent me here after having bloods this morning. Waiting to see what the dr decides to do

oh @Captain24 I can totally relate to being scared to go home from hospital. As much as I wanted to be home, I was also really hesitant about going home. What if I had a relapse, what if this time in hospital didn't help, what if it was for nothing, lots of what if's...

Could you write the pdoc a letter and get one of the nurses to give it to her. Or even just write everything down for your sake. Might just help get it all out.

Heya @Jynx Good to see you back. Did you have an epic time?

Im understanding the what if’s @Snowie they are freaking me out.

Im sorry to hear that @Bow. My bags weren’t searched when I came in. I would have thought that they would.

Pretty darn epic I have to say @Captain24 haha lots of dancing and mad chats were had. How have you been going, sounds like it's been A Lot but also good so far?

I’m glad you had a good time @Jynx.

If you’re still around I’ll fill you in?

For another bit over halfa or so @Captain24 - if you wanna fill me in please do, and if I don't have time to respond properly tonight I can do so tomorrow!

So.. @Jynx.

Im not sure where you left off.

I’ve had 2 massive meltdowns and one hypomanic episode which I feel and took all the skin off my knee! But I just laughed the whole time until they came and drugged me!

I have learnt so much and come a massive way. Mostly I have loved my time in here. (I’m really homesick now though). It’s been the best thing for me. It’s given me confidence and I’ve made friends, some really good ones that we will remain in contact with. I have ‘friends in here that I won’t have any contact with. But I do think I have found my ‘people’

I have been using my little cards and I’ve been asking for help every step of the way. I try to reach out before things get to bad. I’ve had moments when I don’t feel safe and I’ve told them.

Im understanding a lot about myself. I have been diagnosed with PTSD. That has help me understand so much more of myself. It puts things into perspective. I’ve learnt that a lot of what I do and think is a trauma response.

I’ve learnt ways to put in boundaries with people and I have had to use them in here. Being able to speak to someone and spin it back on them making it sound like I’m doing them a favour. I’ve learnt the importance of ACT and I need to make sure it’s even in my daily routine. I’ve learnt the importance of breath work and mindfulness. It needs to be a part of my everyday.

I have come to realise that my SA is not my fault and that I didn’t deserve to be treated by my parents in the past and definitely not now.

My Pdoc is really proud of me and loves working with me. She wants me to come back for the next stage. I’ll definitely be back.

But the most important thing is, is that I’m extremely proud of my self. I no longer think that I am as worthless and useless as I thought. I have gained so much confidence and so much understanding of my inner self.

I am so proud of me. I’m so glad I took this on.

Oh @Captain24 this has me absolutely over the moon to read!! I'm so, so proud of you, and so very glad that it has been so dang helpful! It makes such a difference to be able to contextualise things with a diagnosis hey! And to be able to connect with people on your level, that's healing in itself. It sounds like you've put in a monumental amount of effort to get the most out of your stay, practicing the skills and asking for help when you need it!

I will say, that when you do go back home it might be tough - we're creatures of habit, and being back in that familiar environment it will be challenging to ensure you're putting all these new skills into practice and not falling into old ways of thinking. But if you're prepared for that to happen, you've got a much better chance of resisting the pull of habit, and forging your new path. You got this!!

Thank you for sharing this with me. It has truly made my night, you're a gosh darn INSPIRATION hun. Big kudos!!

Sending some hugs, and I'll chat to you tomorrow if you like 💜🫂

oh @Captain24 to say I am proud of you is an understatement. I am super proud of you!!

Yes you have come such a long way in such a short time. It shows just how much hard work you have put in.

I hope last night was ok and today goes well.

Sending lots of love 💗💗