I can’t cope

Hey @Acanthiza.

Hope you are going ok.

After being honest they weren’t going to let me out. But I promised to stay with the 2 girls from here and one of them had their support worker. If it wasn’t for the support worker I wasn’t allowed to go.

We don’t actually go in the beach as there was too many blue bottles. But we swam in the ocean pool. So it was nice and then they took me for a drive over a bridge I’d never seen before. It was a really nice outing and much needed.

Im sitting outside right now as I don’t feel comfortable going back in.

Hey @tyme.

I guess you have read back?

It’s been a really tough day. I was stupid and told the psych I have found ways in my room to hurt myself. But at least I was open and honest.

Hey @Captain24 ,

I'm glad you went out. Actually, I'm glad they let you out. I wouldn't have if I knew your risk was so high and I didn't know you as a person who'd keep your word. They were very trusting. (Hope you get what I mean here... )

As for finding ways to hurt yourself, those thoughts up from a desperate need to stop the pain. Where ever you are, there are ways you can hurt yourself. The unsaid trust is that you don't, even if you want to so badly.

I don't want to delve too much into it, because it's a bit of a sore spot for me. I've had horrendous experiences, that are really painful to remember - where I was just so so so unwell.

Do you have a calendar of weekly events? Anything on tonight? Our Sunday nights were usually movie/popcorn nights 🙂

Hey @tyme.

I get what you mean. I don’t know that I would have let me out either. They put a lot of trust in me and the girls I was with didn’t take their eyes off me. I actually felt quite supported.

Im still in a world of pain. Im just laying on my bed in my room. They don’t have things of a night. Last night I fell asleep and they had to wake me for my meds.

I don’t want to trigger you!! If you don’t want to support me through this, I completely understand. Look after yourself first.

Hey @Captain24 ,

I'll be hear tonight.. we can chat if that helps @Captain24

You are in a good place. Do what you can to see change. It's not easy, and no one ever promised it would be easy.

It's only the start.

Thanks @tyme.

I am trying. I’ve been to every group except the one when I had the Pdoc appointment. I have even participated in them all. I did do a pass on one of the tasks in the last group as it was way too far out of my comfort zone. The psych was ok with it though. It was after our chat.

I was honest at admission and I was probably too honest with the psych today. I am working hard at this but I’m stressing that I’m not doing enough.

Im really tired and drained tonight. I might ask for my meds early, that way it doesn’t matter if I fall asleep.

Wow... It sounds like all this mental energy used throughout the day is really exhausting! @Captain24

Please look after yourself. I hear it is hard, but I'm so glad you are being honest and open to your treating team.

You deserve the best 🙂

Hugs

@Captain24 a swim in the ocean pool... so nice. I used to swim at the pool at night when I lived at the coast. No-one around and the moonlight on the water... magic.

I don't think you need to worry you are not doing enough, if you are being honest you are definitely doing enough.

Like always I hope you get more comfortable and the thoughts leave you alone for a bit! I know what it is like to have them constantly, very exhausting.

@tyme I am doing well thankyou, surprisingly well, it is nice having medication, definitely makes things easier for me. How are you?

Hey @Acanthiza ,

Good to hear from you. Medication? Has there been an issue with your meds?

As much as I wish I didn't need to take meds, I also know that it's for the better. Hence I'm also in a good place 🙂

Did you get up to anything today?

oh! Just realised you didn't actually ask how I am going @tyme haha. I am a little distracted, trying to keep my mum calm she is in the middle of house negotiations.

I have a nurse coming to talk to me @Acanthiza @tyme.

It’s the same circle but at least I'm trying to get it out. Maybe if I verbalise it it’ll slow down the cycle. Maybe it’ll break it.