I can’t cope

@Captain24 I hope by letting them flow, you can feel a modicum of relief. That's what they're meant to do for us, crying helps us regulate.

It's okay to be scared, it's okay to have doubts. Just remember that our anxiety always tries to plan for the worst, but in my experience, it overestimates how scary/difficult an experience actually will be by a long shot. Your brain may not believe me right now, but I reckon that the waiting is gonna be way worse than the actual admission. So hold on for now hun, push through as best you can. Think of the reasons you made this choice, the ways it can help, the reprieve you'll have.

My head is racing with thoughts @Jynx. I can’t stop them. They just keep circling

I made this choice so that they didn’t make it for me. At least it allowed me to sort time off work.

I don't want to go.

@Captain24 aye maybe it was so that you could take time off, and so that you could have some agency in the decision. But I think I recall you also spoke about knowing, on some level, that you need it.

Remind yourself that the images your anxiety is feeding you are not reality. That this is the next step in recovery, not towards whatever doom is playing on the brain. It takes guts to be vulnerable, to admit we need help. You're braver than you think you are hun, and you will get through this. I believe in you 1000% ✊💜

Yeah I know I need it @Jynx. There is no question about that. But now I don’t want to. But I have to.

Im not brave. I’m shit scared.

What if they don’t let me out. What if they just keep me locked up.

So much doom Jynx.

Whether I go or don’t go I won’t make it through

@Captain24 it sounds like your brain is messing with you... thinking all the worst things. I know it might seem like it now but it sounds like there are so many good things about your admission. It probably isn't helpful but if you can get out of your own brain a little it would probably help stop things from being all consuming. Mindfulness, distraction, hanging out with pets... things like that.

Like usual feeling for you Captain, anxiety is so all consuming it is horrible

@Captain24 the whole thing about bravery is that it's not about not being scared. It's about being scared, but doing the thing anyway. You've already done it, you made those calls you got this process started. So you're already brave, whether your brain believes it or not!

Also, the entire model of care has changed - asylums and that kind of thing just don't exist anymore, as you know. The whole point is to be a stop gap, a circuit breaker, an intervention to facilitate the person's return to their community. They WANT you to return home!! You're not dangerous to anyone else so there's no way they'd keep you locked up hun. It just wouldn't make sense, based on your circumstances and based on how costly it would be to keep someone permanently! Thing about it as well is that no matter what, you're not doing this alone. You'll be in the care of professionals, who will do whatever they can to ensure that you do make it through. And so will we!

I will say goodnight hun, but before I go I am sending you a whole boatload of huggles, uplifting vibes, and reassurances that things are gonna turn out okay. Tell your anxiety that Jynx says it can calm down now, that I thank it for trying to protect our dear Cap, but that it doesn't need to work so hard to try to predict these worst-case-scenarios. It's all gonna be okay. Hug for now 🫂

And some to keep overnight, too, use em as needed🫂🫂🫂🫂

I will chat to ya tomorrow if you're about! May you have a deep and dreamless sleep tonight 💜

Thanks @Jynx That just made me start crying again.

Thanks heaps for tonight.

I hope you have a good night.

Hey @Acanthiza

Im sitting on the lounge with the dogs on my lap. I’m thinking I will go to bed. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a huge day.

I hope you are ok?

Goodnight @Jynx , I knew you would know what to say

I am OK @Captain24 thankyou, just in one of my standard melancholy moods. Thinking all kinds of things but it is alright, very used to it. I'm glad you have your dogs anchoring you. Heading to bed sounds good, I am here in bed typing away but I don't feel like sleeping yet, got too much pondering to do.