I can’t cope

I’ve been trying @NatureLover. Especially in such a negative environment.

Im sorry to hear that you are struggling? Anything you want to talk about?

Just counting down the hours @NatureLover she's supposed to come at 5pm! Buuut since I haven't heard anything from her today I'm almost expecting her not to show, it's happened before 😑

Sorry to hear that you're struggling hun, sending some biiiiig hugs 🫂

Hey @Captain24 how is your day going so far?

It’s been a little difficult and very confronting @Jynx.

Im struggling with being with my parents and their ridiculous arguing and ways.

I had a call from the hospital in regards to my admission. She asked a lot of questions some I answered almost honestly some I brushed off. I feel guilty and scared. It’s all becoming to real.

I did get to go to the beach and it was nice. Not as good as yesterday though. I just couldn’t slip my mind into that place.

It’s so annoying when they don’t turn up. I hope they do for you as then they will set another date and you have to get it all ready again.

@Captain24 would have been a difficult phone call - and it worries me that you weren't able to be honest with them. For you to get the most out of your stay, it's better if you can tell them as much as possible about what's going on. I acknowledge that it is incredibly difficult to do so, but I'm hoping you can find a way to communicate with them about the depth of your current difficulties. Maybe you could send a follow up email or something?

Can understand it being harder to relax into that mental space, sounds like it's pretty chaotic and stressful enduring your parents' arguing and nitpicking and stuff!

What are you up to this arvo/evening?

Heya @Captain24 ,

How's things?

Hi @NatureLover @Acanthiza @Bow . Hope you are all okay.

I've got of reading to catch up. Sounds like a lot has been happening.

Hey @tyme I hope you have had a good day.

Did your rent inspection happen @Jynx

I do feel guilty and have a few regrets but I was in a shopping centre when they called. That’s not an excuse though. I did say that I didn’t want to be alive. She did ask a lot of questions in regards to my ED though. She couldn’t find the referral my GP emailed it does have SI on it so maybe she will check in again after she receives it.

We took the dogs down to Pix’s favourite beach. Had Thai for dinner and now about to head out for another walk. I’m exhausted.

Im hating being checked on with my meds. I pulled mum up today on the ‘nut house’ I told her to stop calling it that, that it’s not funny. She just shrugged and rolled her eyes. She asked whether it was more a health and wellness retreat, I said yes. Hopefully that gets her off my back.

Mentally I am doing it really tough. It’s starting to get really hard. Maybe tomorrow’s time at the beach will feel better.

Sorry about the ramble.

How are you both?

@Captain24 nah lol but thankfully she just postponed till tomorrow. If it was any later I'd have been soooo cranky.

Oh true, yeah being in a public place would complicate things - hopefully you get a chance to communicate everything more openly.

Oh gross, I'm sorry to hear that you're copping such stigma and disrespect from your mum. That's really rough. It sounds like you're doing your best to manage, even though you're also having to manage their emotions and expectations and stuff on top of everything you're managing internally. No wonder you're exhausted.

I hope some more beach hours definitely do you a world of good!

I'm not too bad, weirdly I'm sooo tired today even though I got a solid 8.5 hours last night. Idk maybe all the build up to this inspection, and extra cleaning I had to do wrecked me. Might be coffee o'clock!

Bugger. At least tomorrow is ok. I’d be pissed too if I had to redo it all. @Jynx. My housework was always pretty lacking when I rented! These days I am a lot better but you can tell where I’m at mentally by my kitchen…

Coffee sounds good for you. Stress always exhausts me. I hope you can get a good sleep tonight and feel refreshed for tomorrow.

I feel like I’ve let everyone down, my team and you guys. Apparently they will start to send emails and maybe I have a chance to respond in one of those. I still don’t have an admission date yet. But it will be towards the end of next week.

Mum and Dad have just had a massive fight, like I’ve never seen before. Dad pulled the car up in the middle of the road and got out and said you can f’ing drive. Mum sat there like a 2 year old with her arms crossed saying I’m not driving. They carried on and then dad got back in the car a drive off with them fighting. Then the walk was horrendous. They were both overly nice to me and ignored each other. It’s pretty quiet here now!

Mums whole attitude with my MI and admission is making me feel like I have failed and that I’m not a full person, that I’m my MI and it makes me feel defective.

 Something good out of tonight’s walk. @Jynx @tyme

@Captain24 I'm glad you are standing up for yourself in the face of your mum's lack of empathy. If only people could understand what it is like to feel stuff like this...

I hope the ocean and the beach can help you through, and then that you get the time and space you need.

Oh yeah @tyme I am doing alright, had a few not so good days, and a few not so good not so good moments in them. Hmmmm, I don't want to be complaining in Captain24's thread, things are mostly OK. How are things with you?