I can’t cope

Don’t really have any words, but I’m sitting with you @Captain24

Thanks @Bow.

I know I should appreciate what I’ve got. Not everyone gets to go on holidays to such a beautiful place. I just wish I was allowed to come here on my own.

How is D today?

Aww @Captain24 that's soooo hard! They really are putting you in the middle, and that can be immensely exhausting. Would definitely make it hard to enjoy the rest of the holiday. Glad you're getting some reprieve at the moment.

I am worried about you when you say you've got the urge to hurt yourself. Are the dogs with you? Maybe giving them some big cuddles could help with some grounding, you know just really focus on watching them, feeling their soft fur, and being with them.

What's next on your holiday agenda? Pls know I am sitting with you hun 💜

Why can’t you go there by yourself @Captain24 ???

D is still sick. Fever spiking again this arvo and has an annoying cough- she often gets asthma when she is sick

hiya @Jynx 👋 🤗

Hey @Bow!!

Sorry to hear your little one is unwell, that sucks!!

What else is happening for you today hun? 😊

Had to take daughter to hospital yesterday @Jynx high fever, delusional and hallucinations. Pretty scary for me! She’s a lot better today, but still unwell.

mum left for tassie on Saturday. So we have had a couple of quiet days at home. I’ve taken over the kitchen table this afternoon with all my art stuff.

how are you? And how was your weekend?

@Bow oh no, poor lil thing!! That would have indeed been pretty scary, glad you're both home now and hope she's on the mend!

Aww yay, art takeover!! I love it! Can be so nice to be able to just spread yourself out into a space that is normally shared, I hope it helps you to let the creativity flow 😊

My weekend was a little hectic, but not in a bad way. Spent most of Saturday and some of Sunday doing yard work, been trying to get rid of this awful grass that will. not. stop. growing! It even grows up through the patches of astroturf I have. It's so thick I have to pull it out by hand instead of mowing it. So I'm a little tired and achey from that. Then on Sunday I also had D&D, which was a hoot! My character needed to make some money, and decided to help smuggle some contraband across the city. Because my character is a druid (like a nature-themed magic user) I got to transform into a cat and had to pretend to be very cat-like to avoid getting stopped by guards. It worked out in the end, didn't get caught! Heheh.

My is very jealous of me and excepts my life to be hers @Bow. I went away in April last year and she just sulked and said ‘obviously we’re not worthy of you’ I can’t deal with her mind games. plus my brother lives here so she thinks it’s a family thing. He doesn’t even know we are here. So great family.

Im sorry about D. Did she manage to go to school or did you keep her home? Asthma coughs are really annoying to listen to and to have! I really hope it eases up for you both soon.

It’s usually pretty hard being with them @Jynx but right now I don’t have the mental capacity. I had an anxiety attack last night about being with them.

I do have the dogs. Keiko and Jett are playing rough and Pix is attacking them when they run into her! Jett did just have a sleep in my arms that was nice. They make my heart melt but it’s not stopping the pain. It hurts so much.

We will probably go for a walk around the water front and go to the pet shop. If it’s not raining I’ll go for a swim at the beach and leave the dogs with mum and dad!

Thanks @Jynx i sure hope she is better soon and able to return to school! I got things to do!

I got a few art projects on the go and it’s nice to be able to make a mess and not be in anyone’s way.

gardening! And grass! I will need to do our lawns soon. Your D&D sounded fun! Ya play on a big board/table yeah?

@Captain24 oh gross. Those are truly awful mind-game-mine-fields to have to navigate! I can very much understand the intensity of anxiety surrounding having to spend so much time with them. I hope you can carve out some time each day just to be alone, try to regulate and recover from the strain that they're putting on you.

Aww lil Jett! Sleepy puppy! That's just the most fricken adorable thing. I'm so glad you have the puppers there to comfort you, even if it doesn't quite take the pain away.

Yessss, I hope you get to take a nice dip in the ocean hun! I always like to imagine that the ocean is not just washing over my body, but also rinsing my soul. Like when I dive under a wave, I picture it cleansing and taking some of my pain and burdens away. I find it to be very therapeutic.

Going to the pet shop for some supplies? I hope they allow leashed pets, my local pet store does - mind you there's no animals for sale there except fish, so it makes sense haha. Can't imagine it'd be good for a pet store with puppies or kittens to have random pets rocking up and going nuts over them!