I can’t cope

Like what @tyme. I am so beaten down and so full of hopelessness that I can’t see anything. I need to change my whole persona. But don’t know how or where to start

Possibly @tyme but right now it’s all too hard. Even the Pdoc says it’s hard to meet people. Where she lives is even smaller than here. I’m not sure where to go out to find people

Im going to try the gym when I go away. If I like I’ll join when I get back.

Sorry I’ve been such a stupid bitch @tyme. I know deserve this and it’s my own fault. Ive taken my meds and really struggled. I wish I didn’t.

I think I should probably go to bed before I hurt myself

Bed will keep me safe!

Sitting with those thoughts are really not nice @Captain24

I can say I relate though... that was the life I used to live and I know first hand how hard it can be... 15 years later, I'm glad things have changed.

If things can change for me, they can change for you.

I don’t want to live like this.

Im not as deserving as you or as kind hearted. So I don’t hold hope.

@tyme

It’s charcoal grey.
it’s on my chest

its the shape of a rock

it’s really heavy. So heavy it’s crushing me.

It moves by crushing me more. I can’t lay on my side. I can’t breath I have to lay on my back.

Lie on your back until it hurts so that the pain can be directed there @Captain24

How does it feel?

How does the carpet feel against your skin?

How does your head feel on the floor?

I’m having an anxiety attack @tyme

My hands and feet a numb. I’m having trouble typing. My had is spinning. I’m sweating. I can’t breathe. I’m panicking because I can’t breathe. Im crying.

I’m having an anxiety attack @tyme

My hands and feet a numb. I’m having trouble typing. My had is spinning. I’m sweating.My chest hurts so much I can’t breathe. I’m panicking because I can’t breathe. Im crying.

@Captain24 are you still feeling panicked? Can you do some mindfulness, feel the keys on your keyboard, even the air on your skin or the paint on a wall? It can feel silly but it can also help. I am so sorry you are going through this.

I managed to calm myself down last night.

I am feeling so defeated. Last night took so much out of me. I didn’t sleep well and kept waking up.

Im now sitting alone in our little accommodation house. It’s good to not have my parents here.

They argue about everything. We are on a main road and Jett and Keiko take off as soon as a door is open. Dad won’t use the back door which is the safest. I told him if anything happens to Jett I’ll never forgive him.

They can’t make a decision between them. They can’t even decide which Woolworths to go to. Then they expected me to go and just sit in the car with 3 dogs.

I’ve already got the whole ‘your mother does this’ your father does this’ they keep putting me between them. They treat me like a child and I feel really in the way.

I know I have to get through the week but I don’t know how. I don’t have the strength. Maybe if it stops raining it’ll help.

I have such a big urge to hurt myself. I need to get this pain out. I feel sick. I have this sinking pit in my stomach. I don’t even know if I can hold myself together.

I usually do a lot better being away with them but I think where I’m at with my MH isn’t helping.