I can’t cope

I like the cool stuff to @Bow. My job doesn’t require much stationary though. 😜

If you are up for it can you post a photo when you’re done. I love your art work. You are really talented.

Mowing is really hard. It doesn’t help that it’s 38 degrees out there either. I try and mow weekly but because of my neck I haven’t been. If I do it every week it’s still too much for just the green bin. But since I’ve left it I’ve just filled the general waste and green bin and it’s nowhere near done. My bins don’t get picked up until next Monday. Our green bin is weekly pick ups. We couldn’t do fortnightly out here.

Haha no I don’t imagine your job would require much stationary @Captain24!

yeah I’ll post a pic once I have finished it

Thinks are turning pear shaped really quickly

@Captain24 here for ya hun, what's going on?

I think I’ve pushed myself too hard. @Jynx. I’ve been trying to focus on doing stuff but I’ve just lost control

Don’t worry about me.

I’m over it.

I’m over it all.

Take some slow, deep breaths @Captain24 - maybe try some grounding if you can?

Sometimes it can help to switch to a different task if you can't focus. Or change your environment - switch rooms, change the lighting, add music, etc.

I want to be done

I'll send you a wee email @Captain24

And some hugs are already on their way to you 💜

I’m laying in bed wide awake. I should be tired. My body and mind are exhausted. But yet.. I can’t sleep.

If I don’t manage to get some sleep soon then it’s going to end up really messy. I can’t take anymore mess. Everything is hard enough as it is. Not sleeping and bipolar are a dangerous mix.

I’ve done all the sleep hygiene routine. I must have done something right both dogs are sound asleep. Well one is sleeping peacefully and the other is snoring.

I have the urge to get up and do housework. I am exhausted but need to start moving. Maybe I should do housework. At least it’s something productive. That means disturbing the dogs though. It’s not fair on them. Maybe if I didn’t have the pup I could but he is in a play pen and I don’t want to move home out of it. I could do the ironing maybe. I’d just be in the next room. Maybe that’s something. As much as there is something telling me I need to move, my body is exhausted. Maybe there is something else I can do to sleep. I don’t know what though. There is no way I could do a meditation as I just can’t maintain focus on those things.

I hope I get to sleep soon. Just laying here is t helping. Maybe if I put my phone down that might help. But what else am I suppose to do? Look at a dark ceiling?

Aarrgghh… why is this all so hard. I have motivation at the moment, which doesn’t really happen, but no energy to act on it. That could be a good thing as well though. Motivation can lead to different things, some not so good though.

I wonder what if it means I can have motivation in the morning. Maybe if I don’t get any sleep it’ll still be there. Maybe with no sleep my energy levels may increase. With energy and motivation I can get things done. So that’s it I won’t sleep. I just wished that my darkness would match my motivation. Maybe if I stay awake all the darkness will lift. Even just for a couple of days. Maybe I shouldn’t sleep for a few days and have a break from the misery that is life. Thats what I’m going to do, I’m going to try and drag my body out of bed and do some things. I just don’t know if I have the energy.

Oh.. I just don’t know. I just am not sure this is a good place to be right now. Should push myself to get up or should I push myself to sleep. My mind is going so fast. I can’t keep up with it. It’s saying one thing then it’s saying another. One minute I should get up and stay awake as it could be energising, it may or may not get me out of the darkness for a little while. But when that’s over it’ll just crash and get even worse if that’s at all possible. If I get energised but it doesn’t lift my mood I could be in for all sorts of hurt. I wish my mind would just shut off.

I don’t know