I can’t cope

I’m so tired of trying to get through this. I know it’s up to me to do all the work but it’s just so hard. I’ve been in a dark

place for 2 weeks now. The only person that can pull me out is me, I understand that. I just haven’t been able too. It’s heartbreaking that just before this slump I was in the best place I had been for a really long time. I want to go back to that. But how? Or is it time just to give up. I don’t want to do this hard slog anymore, I don’t think I can.

Hey @Captain24

I hear you. It can feel like such a daunting prospect when we are feeling low to think about getting ourselves from where we are now to where we want to be. It is frustrating, too, when we can look back to a time not long ago where we were doing really well.

You're here now, and you have made it this far. This is a testament to your strength! It is totally understandable to have times where it seems easier to stop trying, I have been there myself. If all you can focus on right now is getting through the next hour, and then the one after that - that is a huge accomplishment. Sometimes the best we can do it just keep ourselves here.

We are all sitting with you today 💛

Hi @Captain24 I've taken over for @Peregrinefalcon this afternoon/this evening. I'm here if you want to chat 💜

I just been asleep for the last couple of hours to pass some time @Jynx

I think I really do need to talk but I don’t know what to say. I just have a really uneasy feeling. I can’t focus on anything. I’ve been trying the distractions on my safety plan but I just aimlessly move from one to another without any interest.

@Captain24

It's okay not to have words. Words don't always feel like they're enough... cos words are only a representative. They aren't always enough to capture a feeling or a state of mind.

I have been in a spot many times where I will just feel like I'm... floating through? It can get super frustrating if your attempts at distraction don't feel like they're working! I guess though... if they are at least helping to pass the time, maybe that is enough?

I feel like I’m underwater @Jynx I just don’t understand. It’s like I’m just an empty shell. I have no motivation for life or anything. I haven’t left the house in 2 days or cleaned it or even had a shower, I usually have 2 showers a day.

Oh @Captain24, I'm so sorry to hear you are in this space. I also sense your frustration at your current state, in terms of struggling to understand what might be going on. Sometimes I know for me, that can become a bit of a cycle - feel crappy -> feel confused -> get anxious about not knowing -> increased feeling of crappiness.

In DBT, there's a strategy around radical acceptance - being able to sort of, sit in the current state and acknowledge that it is happening, but not be hard on yourself about it and not try to change it. Maybe that might help?

I can give that a go @Jynx . Just let it be and stop fighting it. Hopefully it eases

@Jynx I rang BB and felt heard. It was a very helpful conversation. I actually feel a little safer now. The suicidal thoughts have eased for now. Maybe I can get some rest. I have a plan for tomorrow to focus on my body and not my brain. I really hope and pray that it works. I can’t keep going on like this.