I can’t cope

I don’t cry a lot @Snowie. But when I feel the need to I just let it go.

Heya everyone @Captain24 @Snowie @NatureLover !

What's happening in everyone's world? So good to be back and seeing you all here.

Hey @tyme

How did you go last night? Did you sleep in another room.

Of course not @Captain24

I told my niece she could stay in the present room and I'd go to another room instead. Of course she refused...

Geezzzz she's cute. Tbh, I can't get enough of her. She does my head in, but I still love her. I guess if they didn't pull on my heart strings then I wouldn't be so kind to them.

But I'm already looking at other properties so when I 'DO' move out lol. Just so I know how much I have to save sort of thing. I'm think a beach side home in WA or something.

Anyway, what's been happening in your life? Gardening? Lego-ing? Pixie-ing? Jett-ing?

Of course you gave in @tyme !!!

You’re certainly going your distance when you move out. 😜

Not much today. I have been grocery shopping so I have lunches for work for the next 3 days. plus I put the weeds I pulled out of the garden yesterday into the bin.

Pix and Jett are driving me crazy. I think I’ve ruined Jett by not training him soon enough. He won’t listen when trying to teach him to sit. All he cares about is jumping for the treat in your hand. I really do mess everything up.

Oh no re Jett @Captain24 . It's not that you mess it up... he's a baby with character. Be patient. You probably need Pix to teach him lol.

My dog used to nip at the other one when it didn't do what it was told. The younger dog soon learnt!

I hope I can get him under control @tyme. I feel like a really bad mum. I feel ashamed. I should’ve known better. But my MH is getting in the way.

I just did some Lego. But lost focus. Today I’m feeling really irritable and agitated. I think it’s from messed up sleep.

I’m scared that this isn’t going to improve. I’m scared I’ll be like this for a really long time. I’m scared I’ll push you all away. I’m just scared full stop.

I’ve got work tomorrow and don’t know if I can do it.

I'm hearing you @Captain24 . I'm also hearing how hard you are on yourself. I wonder where this stemmed from? Have you ever worked with some to consider the root of this harsh treatment towards yourself?

When recovering, I never understood or believed in the concept of self-compassion. But I can certainly see we all need some it sometimes.

I hear how scared you must be, and it sounds like the more control you are exerting, the less control you are having? Is that fair to say?

What happens if you just let it be as it is? That is, allow these thoughts to come and go. I've been doing a lot of work and study into ACT. Dr Russ Harris' metaphors and concepts are really incredible.

I'd encourage you to speak to your CM about how you have been managing your emotions and see what they say.

We know where it stems from @tyme. The inner voice is the critical voice of my childhood. I know I should be over it at my age but my team tells me that it’ll always be there it’s how I listen to it that matters. I haven’t really done much in it with my psych. She is more focused on my ED and the last appointment she just listened as I told her where I was sitting. If I can’t see my CM this week I can text my psych and organise a Telehealth appointment. That’s the first time she has offered that. I guess she is a little concerned.

I am learning self compassion during this. The need to focus and look after myself. I’m now able to recognise that even little achievements is ok. If there is no achievements then that’s ok too given how I’m feeling. Some positive I guess. I now also get the ‘sitting in it’ and I have mostly been trying to do that. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don’t.

I’m try to let my need to control to go but I can’t always do it and then yes because I’m trying to control it gives

me less control.

I think the fear of going to work and the fear of the other stuff I’m doing isn’t helping.

It’s starting to get out of control. I do need to discuss this issue with someone.

I wish my psych could work with you. He's so so good. @Captain24 . You need someone who can really work with you on this sort of work. CM work is more about risk management, hence maybe that is why they are focusing on the ED.

I believe in you that you will get better @Captain24 .

Can you think of what else you can have access to to work through some of what's happening for you?