I can’t cope

Ooh Mario sounds like a great idea @Captain24! You got this, distraction is handy and helpful when we need it ay!

'Came out' is the preferred terminology, especially because we don't change our gender or sexuality really, it's more of a realisation of 'Ohhhh I've always been this way, now I have words for it/better understanding'. So 'transgender' simply means that one does not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. Under that umbrella you can have binary trans folks (trans men and trans women) and nonbinary folks, who don't really feel like they are a man or a women. Some nonbinary folks feel like they're both, some like they're neither. There's all sorts of ways that we can experience gender. For me, I feel more masculine some days and more feminine others... but more masc leaning. I was in my mid-20's when I realised I was nonbinary! But I was 15 when I came out as gay, so I've known I was a lil queer kid for yonks.

Always happy to yammer on about my gender identity haha so feel free to ask away. I'm off for the evening though! I hope you enjoy your mario shenanigans and I'll catch you next week. Gonna miss my forums fam too! Big pile of loving, compassionate folks that you all are 💜

Thanks for correcting me @Jynx. I really appreciate it.

So another personal question. When feeling masculine do you dress that way and when feeling feminine do you dress that way. Or do you dress gender neutral?

Also is your name gender neutral? Also how do you go about picking a name or is it something that is already there in your mind?

I know a young child that was in kindergarten and his mum took him to a psychiatrist as he always said he was a boy. The recommendation was to come out. He went to a catholic school and they helped him transition. They allowed him to cut his hair and wear the boys uniform. His mum said it was the happiest he has been in his short life.

Hi @Captain24 , am so sad to hear about your anger, distress and pain that cause you to hurt yourself and hate yourself 😢

I wish they would ease for you 💙

I know that being a very sensitive person (I'm an HSP) causes much emotional pain on behalf of ourself and others. And we don't want to take it out on others, even though they might deserve it! Plus EDs are so, so hard to tackle.

Sending you warm hugs...

@Captain24 hoping you got some sleep last night and today looks a little brighter 💜💜

T/W mentions death

I went and did some grocery shopping @Snowie @NatureLover. I ran into an ex friend who is just now an acquaintance. Her brother passed away recently so I said how sorry I was. She talked about him a lot. I felt her pain and was crying for her.

Now I feel sick for her and feeling her pain.

Other than grocery shopping I have done nothing. I need to wash the sheets, bath Jett, do some other washing and iron my work clothes. I’ve just got nothing in me to do it.

Im just sitting in the lounge battling urges. I already have enough marks and I need to see the physio tomorrow and she is going to see them. I feel shame, hopeless and useless.

Today I just want to give up. The urge is so strong. I know I have to stay here but I desperately don’t want to. I’ve had enough and feel done with this. The last place I want to go is work tomorrow.

Working means I have to eat and my head is telling me other things. Why does everything have to be so hard.

It's ok to feel that way @Captain24

I haven't done much today. I have a list but putting myself first. Sometimes just being is enough.

Hey @Captain24, sounds like you are having a tough time atm with urges and wondering what you can do to occupy and distract yourself maybe. What has worked for you in the past? RiverSeal

@Captain24 You are obviously an empath ❤ But sometimes we need to take care of ourselves first. As you have so little to give at the moment, even to yourself 😥

I've had intense SI most of my life, but I can definitely say I'm glad to still be alive...I hope you can hold on.

Can you get a medical certificate instead of working tomorrow?

Sorry @RiverSeal @NatureLover. I’ve been asleep. Going back to bed is my safe option. It’s the only distraction that I’ve got.

My SI is still really really strong. I hate the constant battle. I do have a lot to do but I just can’t seem to do it.

I always put others before myself @NatureLover. That’s just who I am. I always feel like I know how they a feeling and feel it too.

I can’t get a certificate as I’ve already had way too much time off this year. Plus I did apply for leave and got rejected so it’ll be a bit suss if I don’t go.

Please reach out if you need support @Captain24 the community is here to support you. Good that you are going to bed and hopefully you can get some rest and feel fresh when you wake up.

Remember these services are here to support you too:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 Get mental health support - Beyond Blue

1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732

If in immediate danger: 000

Take Care

RiverSeal