I can’t cope

Hi @Captain24

Great to hear that you are in a better place tonight! Life can be a rollercoaster and we get lows and highs at times. Managing those is the tricky part and I can really relate to that too.

Thank you for letting the Forums know that you are traveling better tonight!

Take care

RiverSeal

I had a really good app with the MH nurse today. I left with a lot of things to work on and think about. Even though I’ve had really dark days, and still feel pretty low now, there is some positives. She has reminded me that recovery is going to take a long time. She has shown me examples of some of the strength and resilience I’ve shown. However, after the last few days I’m back to daily check-ins. I am kind of relieved though as I do think I need it. I did consider ending it all when it was so dark so hopefully the checkins will help me stay safe. I feel like a weight has been lifted.

Maybe I can do this.

Hi there @Captain24

So great to read your positive update. I'm sure you CAN do this. Never forget that strength and resilience you've shown!

Hanami 💮

I’m scared! They are talking about admitting me. Do I tell them the truth of how I’m feeling or do I dull it down? I have a phobia of hospital and my family don’t know what is happening with me.
I just can’t bring myself out of this latest slump.

Heya @Captain24, thanks for letting us know you were feeling better the other night. It sounds like you've had some big things happening the last few days.

Sounds like the daily check-ins have been useful. Can I ask what some of the strengths and resilience were that the MH nurse pointed out? I've seen you be determined to get support and a lot of hope from you ❤️

About hospital, this is a great question! I'm sorry that you're fearful of hospitals. I know there are lots of scary things and some people have challenging experiences there. What I'm hearing from you is that you've been quite independent in trying to get out of this slump, but maybe you need a bit of extra support? Is that right?

For me, I try to be really honest with the MH professionals around me. Overall, it's allowed me to get the support I need when I needed it. Even though it can be scary.

Are there things which you're scared or worried about with hospital? and are there ways to overcome this? Maybe you could speak to the MH nurse about some of these?

Let me know what's on your mind, I'd love to talk with you about any worries ❤️

Hi @Former-Member

Daily checkins I feel are what I need.

As for strength and resilience. Being a shift worker and working 12.5 hr days and nights and continually going to work even in the darkest moments. I’ve got a shift tonight and I’m feeling really dark but I’ll still go to work tonight. Show both strength and resilience.

Also being able to put my needs behind me to help others going through a rough patch. Going to every scheduled app and not cancelling them. The fact that I don’t stay in bed on my days of and I get up every morning and do housework. That I have been trying to use my suicide plan.
That I’ve been able to reach out for help. The biggest one is that I’m really trying in my recovery and want to recover and that I have hope.

As for hospital, I don’t know where my phobia has come from. It’s just something that I’ve always had. I am able to go and visit anyone that’s in hospital just as long as it’s not me. I’m 45 and it’s only been in the last couple of years that I’ve been able to visit someone alone.

I think I may need extra help at the moment as I just can pull myself out of this. I will continue to be fully open with my team and just hope I can stay out of hospital. I have a gp app tomorrow and a psychiatrist app next Thursday, plus daily checkins so I’m just living with the Hope I can make it through. I feel like hope is all I have right now

Hello Hello @Captain24 !

Sounds like a lot has been happening lately! You have been so proud in pushing through.

I think I've missed our cuppa tonight. I hope we get one tomorrow.

Please take care at work, and I look forward to catching up with you.

Hugs, tyme

Hey @Captain24 ,

I'm here if you want a chat 🙂 It's been a while.

Did you work today?

Hey @tyme

Hope you have been well. It has been a while.

I finished my block of work this morning, so I’m off now until Wednesday.

I’m in a really low mood. I contemplated ending it on Sunday night. The thoughts were really bad but I never told anyone. Being at work for the last 4 days hasn’t bought me out of it. I had to force myself last night to actually go. I only did 10.5 hours instead of the 12.5 but a least I went.

I don’t know why I’m back in that dark place. I just saw the GP and she said it’s just the biological part of my brain. All I want to do is hurt myself and just not wake up. I was doing so well and now I’m not ok. I will have a med change hopefully on Thursday. The GP said it will probably be a mood stabiliser.

It’s so hard. I feel like I keep failing and I hate myself even more for it. I feel

like I can’t cope anymore.

Sorry to be so negative

I'm so sorry to hear things have been so low for you @Captain24 . It seems your moods do fluctuate a fair bit - perhaps mood stabilisers might help.

I seem to feel your story is very similar to mine - the ups and downs, the mood fluctuations, the self-harm.

Please continue to connect with others. You may not feel like it, but it may help.

How are the diamond paintings going?

tyme