I can’t cope

Ahhh.. that buzzing feeling? @Captain24

I'll be honest, I totally don't get the rapid cycling. I hope your meds get sorted and you get to know whether it is BP or BPD or whatever else!

I hope it doesn't turn like my situation where I was on the wrong meds for a decade!

I don’t know if you’d call it a buzz @tyme. I can’t stop moving but I’m not enjoying it. Im so tired that I feel miserable. That I just want this to stop. Which is kind of a mixed episode. That means you are at higher risk. You have the suicidal mood and have the energy to follow through. My moods not that low though, no concern needs! 😂

But it’s also like rapid cycling. That means you can be elevated, full of energy, having the time of your life but that ends quickly, it’s a massive crash. Then the depressive episode starts. Those episodes are a more severe as they come in so quickly. Anywhere from a couple of hrs to a day the can change to either end of the spectrum.

I have a question for you.. do you get manic episodes?

Yes yes, I have had manic episodes. Hence I was put on bipolar meds.... but later down the track, my treating team said that those episodes were part of BPD whereby I struggled to regulate.

Hence, by working with the BPD, I don't have those dips of depression and mania anymore @Captain24

But that's just my experience.

When I was manic, I just kept going and going and going. I did laps around a park for hours and did really dangerous stuff. I felt totally outta control.

Yeah that sounds the same. @tyme. I also do a lot of inappropriate things.

Sorry I’m going to ask a lot of questions..

Do anti-depressants put you into a manic episode?

How long did your episodes last for?

The episodes lasted for a few hours, then I crashed. @Captain24

No stress about the questions - hit me with them.

I don't think the anti-depressants put me into a manic episode, unless I'm living a daily high now because MAYBE I don't need the anti-depressants?

For example, I went to the doc the other day and he said my iron is very low and i should be feeling lethargic and sluggish... I'm like, "Nope, not at all!" I told him I don't need iron tablets, but he gave them to me anyway and told me to take them....

Maybe I'm 'supposed' to be sluggish, but my energy with the anti-depressants 'drive' me to keep going?? Who knows?

Oh, and the only reason I'm not tapering the anti-depressants is because of the horrific side effects. I reckon I'd need to be home 24/7 for a while just to kerb the withdrawals - and I don't have that time atm.

Are you on an anti-psychotic? @tyme

My manic episodes use to last for a few days to a week. I asked my CM why they are shorter and she said the ant-psychotic lessens them.

My rapid has become extreme since the GP upped the anti-psychotic and mood stabiliser. Also I get really agitated. People can’t even look at me without me having a go at them. Sometimes it’s well deserved though! 😝

But when I’m agitated that when I want to hurt myself more than SH but less than suicide. If that makes sense. It’s like there is a beast in me that I need to get out.

Yes, I'm on an anti-psychotic too, but the dosage is small so it doesn't have such strong effects as an anti-psychotic @Captain24

Oh yes, and I was on a mood stabliser for 10 years. The same one that they use for epilepsy. @Captain24 That's one that was removed too.

Mine was low but with the increase it’s doubled. @tyme Did the anti-psychotic stop the ‘manic episodes?

I don’t know what is wrong. My CM did question me about BPD traits. I think my old boss has it.

My Pdoc has also questioned my CM about it. So I just don’t know.

I just looked at the time.

Hopefully we can pick this conversation up later.

Have a good night.

ps. My ironing is done and packed away and I’ve done 4 other things on my list! Only 19 to go.

Oh.. I’m on that one too @tyme It has also been increased. By 50%.