I can’t cope

Please take care at work @Captain24 .

We can chat later.

What a roller coaster of a day and it’s not even lunchtime yet.

I was on night shift last night and at about 4am I started to feel really good. I was the class clown on the 2 way. I felt like I was the best truckie out there. I was hooning through the corners. I was just awesome. I would laugh at anything and everything or just at nothing. Every time I pulled up to wait before I got loaded, I was out in the deck bouncing and pacing. It was great. By the time I got in the car to get back to the main office I was out of control. One of the guys that knows about my bipolar said to me ‘you’re peaking ain’t you!’ I said ‘hell yeah!’ I passed so many cars when I finally left and drove home. Nothing could stop me. I was so wired and enjoying every moment.

Then I came home. I msg’d mum that I was home and she rang me straight away. She said did I want to say goodbye to Angel? Her dog. So I rushed around and while I was there, balking my eyes out, she made a vet appointment. So I didn’t go to bed I stayed up to go, thinking we were giving her her wings. I took Pix so that she knew what was happening hoping she would understand a little. No, now we are trying a different medication to see if that helps. She may only have a couple of days or it might help for a little longer.

Now I’m feeling very tired and a little relieved. I know it’s going to happen soon but at least we have her a little longer.

Im exhausted. But I can’t go to bed as I have 2 appointments this afternoon. I’m not looking forward to them so I’m a bit hesitant.

My emotions are all over the place. I don’t even know where I’m sitting right now.

So so so tired. I told my GP everything about the last 2 weeks. Attempt included. That was rough. He did up my meds though.

My CM appointment was really deep and eye opening.

So after my roller coaster morning then this afternoon I am totally spent

Hi @Captain24

Well done on telling your gp everything that has happened. That takes a lot of strength and courage.

You have had a busy day, I hope you are able to get some time to yourself.

So far I have been awake for 26 hrs @Snowie. It was really hard but it was something I needed to tell him.

I have to take dad for his scans tomorrow to a town 1 1/2 hrs away. I need to leave at 5:45am. I suggested it so mum can stay home with Angel incase something happens tomorrow or in the next few days. That way she can spend as much time with her as possible.

Dads scans could take several hours. I’m just going to go shopping while he is in there.

I think I should go to bed soon. When I’m so tired things get so much worse with so little control.

How have you been?

That was nice of you to suggest that you take your Dad @Captain24

I hope his scans go as well as they can go.

If you have been up for that long then an early night sounds like a great idea.

Saw my psych today. Just exhausted from it and lack of sleep.

Hey @Captain24, I hope you can get some rest soon and tomorrow sounds like a busy day. I hope your dad's scans go ok! Take care RiverSeal ❤️

Dads scans are to see if the golf balls are in the right place to bounce the radiation off and to map out where the radiation is to go. @RiverSeal @Snowie.

Psych appointments can be so hard @Snowie. They can drain so much out of us. My CM appointments can be just as hard. I’m sorry you still aren’t sleeping well. That makes things so much harder. I’m lucky, I do sleep well.

I saw a couple of guys from work when I went shopping after my appointments. They looked refreshed and told me I looked really tired. They got some sleep after coming home this morning.

Im going to bed now. My safety is out of control. I looked at my means and considered it. But I’m really needed right now. My CM said today that if I didn’t have Pix I would already be gone. She is right.

I really hope you get some sleep tonight hon and tomorrow goes ok.

Will be thinking of you @Captain24 💗💗

Good morning @Captain24

Hoping you got some sleep tonight and things go well for your Dad's scans.

Drive safely hon 💕💕