I can’t cope

I ended up having Chinese @Captain24 - it was really good.

I'm pretty much a city slicker. It's only the camping experience for the kids. Don't stress though. It's a fully powered site with onsite bathrooms, toilets, kitchen etc. So it's more glamping or cheat-camping.

I had this really delish choc cake for my bday. I'm salivating as I think of it.

Not sure if you have heard of Brunetti's?

I do like Chinese. But if I had a choice I’d go Thai first @tyme

Nah…sleeping in a tent is a no from me! I stayed in a caravan park when I went to the coast last. But it was a self contained cabin! I did sleep in an airfield in Madrid one night on a 3/4 blow up mattress and a sleeping bag. We had no shelter and it poured raining. I said never again!

The closest I’ve come to camping, other than that, is at the Royal Easter Show. We stayed in little locker things and had to use shared showers and toilets. I wore things in the shower.

No I’ve never heard of them. I do like me a good mud cake though!

I don't have cake in the house, but I wouldn't mind some right now! @Captain24

How's your dad?

He is doing ok. @tyme We finally have a date for the surgery to put the gold balls in for radiation. It’s the 3rd of October then radiation starts 4 weeks later but I’ve booked a holiday for us when his radiation starts. So we’ll just have to wait and see. I’ll still go on my own if they don’t go!

Hehehe! Way to go 🙂 @Captain24

I'm glad you've booked some time away. I'll chat after the PGC 🙂

Yeah.. time away will be good. @tyme. Part of me is hoping I go on my own but I know dad needs some time away too before treatment starts. It’ll be 5 days a week for 4 weeks. So he will only be home on weekends. It’s the longest mum and dad have been apart in 50yrs

That's a big change @Captain24 . It's going to be so tough on both of them.

It is. @tyme Dad will probably be sick and mum will probably be worried. I’ll be worried about him driving. He will drive home on weekends. Mum will go over and see him on my days off.

I just need to be respectful and take into consideration the stress on both of them. I’ll just have to accept whatever they throw my way. However bad it will be.

If I put myself in their shoes, I'd be pretty stressed to @Captain24 . I hope you have some strategies in place to look after yourself then. It may get very tense...

They will be understandably stressed @tyme. When they are stressed I try and put distance between us so I’m not the punching bag. But this time I won’t be able too. I will need to find something to help myself. I will have to wear it all.

I need to be in a better place than I am now. But it is 6 weeks away so I have time.

What my CM said today is rolling through my head. It makes me feel broken and defeated. It’s left me in an extremely dark place. I’ve done things I shouldn’t have. But what if she is right. What if it is all my fault. What if I have self-sabotaged my life. If it is then how do I fix it? I need to have it sorted before all the family stuff happens.