I can’t cope

I just can’t call @Jynx. The the idea of reaching out scares me. I don’t know whether it’s my social anxiety. It’s extreme. That’s why I’m so alone. But I wouldn’t want anyone to have to deal with my mood that I can’t control and can’t mask.

What about chat @Captain24 does that work for you?

Totally feel you on the social anxiety factor. I hate making phone calls, of all kinds. I try to remind myself it's always much better once I'm on the call, and it's never as bad as my anxiety tells me it is.

I just can’t @Jynx. Im so sorry. I know I’m being difficult. I am difficult. I hate myself for it. Im just a problem.

Hi @fluffylight

Hope you are well.

I just don’t deserve support. Especially when I just can’t call or text for help. Im a failure.

Don’t really have much to offer @Captain24 just that I understand. I really do.

here with ya 💕

It seems like to me you're reaching out for support right now through forums 🙂 You are so deserving of support 💜 @Captain24

I have social anxiety and I think it stops me from reaching out to help as well.. I like to go for lifeline chats instead of phone calls cause of that reason. Have you ever tried the chats on lifeline?

I used it yesterday actually.. I lost someone recently and I noticed it was activating my own thoughts of distress.. I felt a bit at ease after chatting to someone.

I acknowledge that this can be so hard especially when we are facing our own thoughts of feeling like a failure. I felt like a failure for taking of work yesterday and I was telling myself I don't deserve to care for myself. I needed to find ways to let go of this part of myself that was telling me I'm not deserving of care. We are all so deserving of care and @Captain24 you too 💛

@Captain24 Not being diffcult hun, you are having a difficult time. And you do absolutely deserve support, I promise you that. I mean, I'm right here supporting you aren't I? And I wouldn't be putting time and energy into it if I didn't think it was worth it - that you were worth it.

This is the only place I feel comfortable. @fluffylight @Jynx I guess I am reaching out by being on here and you are both really supportive.

It’s hard to see that I’m worth it or even deserving. It’s that I keep failing and can’t get myself out of this. I really just want to end all the misery.

I keep getting told it’s starvation brain. But it’s way more than that. I don’t think my uncontrollable urge is due to starvation. I only have one more appt with my current CM left. Maybe my old one will see more.

Thanks @Bow. I know you get it. I am thinking of you.

@Captain24 I imagine it's all of the factors compounding. There's this model called the bio-psychosocial model, it looks at all the factors that can be impactful to a person. So biologically, starvation-brain is bound to make things harder. I imagine sleep probably isn't great either? Both pretty big factors towards being able to utilise brain power to do things like think logically about your circumstances, make decisions towards helpful stuff, etc etc. Then psychologically you've got complex mental health, so like trauma history, stressors, identity and self-esteem, etc. Then social factors is like, you're super isolated and haven't got many around you who help you (and your nervous system) to feel safe. All of that combined is a pretty hectic amount of distress to be enduring.

Reason I'm rambling about all this is to try to highlight that you have A LOT going on that is contributing to your state of mind. So taking it into consideration, to me that spells out that there's a huge bunch of stuff all coming together and none of it points to this being a result of personal failure or inadequacy. Your mind and body are reacting to your environment and circumstances precisely how they're supposed to.

Maybe take some deep, slow breaths, and try saying out loud to yourself that 'my present experience is understandable' or something similar. Cos it is. 💜