I can’t cope

I can’t sleep. Im just laying in bed wishing I was dead. Im praying that I don’t wake up in the morning. If I get to sleep. I hate my life

I tried again… still didn’t work.

Sitting at the hospital waiting for my CM. Im scared how it’s going to go. My dietitian would have spoken to her. I can’t tell her what I did last night though. I need to keep that to

myself for my own wellbeing

Hey! @Captain24

How are you doing this morning? Did you want to chat about anything? 🙂

I hope this morning goes well with your CM

I hope your appt. goes well @Captain24 and you can get the support you need.

My CM appointment was so hard @amber22 @Snowie.

Im borderline being medically admitted. If my intake hasn’t increased in 10 days they will admit me. My next appointment is with my dietitian and CM at the same time. That’s going to be difficult and then I have to go to the psychologist straight after.

Im so scared. Im scared that my weight will increase. But I have to try even though I don’t want to. She told me all the issues I’m causing myself medically. I have noticed some of them but I didn’t tell her. She told me to throw out my scales. That is definitely not happening.

I didn’t tell her about last night otherwise I wouldn’t be home now. I feel so sick and my body is aching.

I just don’t want to go on. I have failed at life miserably. My depression is out of control. My eating is out of control. I have just let everyone down.

Perhaps an admission might be good for you @Captain24 I always find them a bit of a reset for me. It sounds like your CM is concerned for you and wants the best for you.

I understand however the not wanting to go into hospital. It is hard finding that balance, doing what is best for ourselves, but at the same time wanting things to be over.

Sitting in this space with you 💕💕

Oh I am so sorry @Captain24 It's so valid how you are feeling right now. That sounds like a lot, and a very big morning for you, especially after last night as well.

I'm sitting with you 💘

Are you on your way home now? That sounds like a big appointment and you need to take some time to rest and reset after it. Is there something you can do when you get home that might be able to take your mind off of things for a little bit?

The thought I’d being admitted scares me so much and it puts so much pressure on my parents at a time when they don’t need it. @Snowie

My CM said I have a team behind me to support me but the decision is up to me to get better. Only I can change things. She is right but I don’t know how. She also said it was a dangerous form of self harm.

Im going to have a sleep @amber22. It’s the only thing I know to do to get my mind to stop. Plus I’m really tired and sick. It’s a beautiful day outside so I may take Pix for a walk later. That will get me out in the sun and give me some exercise to help counteract me having to change my diet.

I did go shopping after my appt and have gotten myself some salad stuff and up and go @Bow I just need to try and change things a little to keep them happy. But I’ll still check my scales constantly.

I really need to rest

Thanks for your support guys.

I can understand that it has an impact on your family @Captain24 The main reason I said no to my pdoc admitting me was because of my family.

I hope you are able to have a sleep hon. Hopefully you can wake up with a little clearer mind.